Sunday, November 30, 2008
invitation to preview party at zirca, new club in town.
i'm not spilling details here.
nana prolly wouldn't want me to.
haha!
but 'fei yu qing' and simpsons were seriously classic!
ROFL!
just wished we could have stayed longer.
"so like you said, we're even!
though i was so much more drank the other time than you were this time round.
but i was so much more helpless this time round than you were the other time!
still, i had loads of fun!
i always do when i hang out with you.
hope you feel the same too!
:]
intern's starting next week for you.
i know you're kinda dreading it.
but be positive alright?
i'll be just a call or message away if things ever get too stressful.
no more hanging out together on weekdays anymore.
i'm so so so gonna miss you.
:[
so here's the sweetest photo to my sweetie.
love you!"
i wish god could just make me disappear from the surface of this earth.
but if that's too much to ask,
i wish he could at least stop december from ever ever ever coming.
i'm going drinking again later;
for the third time this week already.
The Heart That Beats Because Of You.
2:30 AM
she writes
Sunday, November 23, 2008
the moment i board the bus,my tears fell like a broken tap.
that kinda heart ache,
that kinda sadness,
that kinda hurt;
simply indescribable.
"i never seems to know what's going through your mind.
i don't wanna be guessing,
i wanna hear it from you.
yet, it seems so impossible.
i'm sorry if i placed you in a difficult position.
ultimately, i know my world can't be only revolving around you.
i needa start making decisions that doesn't include you as a factor of consideration.
and maybe,
only will you able to gain that kinda freedom and happiness that you've always wanted;
with my departure."
i hope i'll be able to move him outta that space in my heart,
and at the same time, let no one else move in.
though i know it's gonna be almost impossible to ever throw him out,
but at the least,
i wish i could lock up that space that he has already occupied,
throw the keys away,
so i'll never have access to that space ever again.
it's time i stop following my heart,
and let my mind take over.
cause my heart is tired,
it needs its rest.
"it's okay sweetie.
you don't hafta be sad.
you don't hafta cry.
it's your own problem you still love him.
it's your own problem you still can't get over.
you can't expect him to be feeling and going through the same.
it's more important that he's happy isn't it?
and you know you'll do whatever just for him to be happy.
so i guess you know what should be done next don't you?
accept that decision that you've been hesitating to make."
it's been a while since i cried like that.
My Only Weakness Is You.
11:59 PM
she writes
Saturday, November 22, 2008
五月天 - 突然好想你最怕空氣突然安靜 最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶 突然翻滾絞痛著不平息
最怕突然 聽到你的消息
想念如果會有聲音 不願那是悲傷的哭泣
事到如今 終於讓自已屬於我自已
只剩眼淚 還騙不過自己
突然好想你 你會在哪裡
過的快樂或委屈
突然好想你 突然鋒利的回憶
突然模糊的眼睛
我們像一首最美麗的歌曲 變成兩部悲傷的電影
為什麽你 帶我走過最難忘的旅行然
後留下 最痛的紀念品
我們 那麽甜 那麽美 那麽相信
那麽瘋 那麽熱烈的曾經
為何我們 還是要奔曏各自的幸福和遺憾中老去
突然好想你 你會在哪裡
過的快樂或委屈
突然好想你 突然鋒利的回憶
突然模糊的眼睛
最怕空氣突然安靜 最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶 突然翻滾絞痛著不平息
最怕突然 聽到你的消息
最怕此生 已經決心自己過沒有你
卻又突然 聽到你的 消息
"baby,
i really really really miss you loads."
Night Like This.
3:58 AM
she writes
Thursday, November 20, 2008
enough is enough.everyone has their limit of being nice to others,
and i think i've reached mine.
i'm the type of person who will do anything for you,
if i really consider you as my friend.
i'm not trying to imply that i'm a very good friend.
but maybe because i'm emotional,
so i tend to put in a lot into relationships;
be it love or friendship.
i choose to be sincere,
not because i want to be treated nicely in return.
i just want to be treated back with the same kinda sincerity.
"i've always considered you as a very good friend, like a brother.
but ask yourself honestly,
what about you?
i know i didn't really help you solve any problem in this entire situation,
but i really tried my best to help, to contribute.
yet in the end,
i feel as though i'm being made used of, i feel like a fool.
recently,
you were never there when i needed someone.
maybe it's my fault that i've never took the initiative to contact you,
but it's precisely because i know and experienced how things will turn out to be,
that's why i chose not to approach you.
when i wanted you to hear me out,
you'll just simply try to shake me off by entertaining me with one or two sentences,
then quickly go back to talk about your own stuff.
when i needed your consolation,
all you did was to rub it in more.
when you knew how bad a particular thing affect me,
you had to betray my trust, and make the possibility of it happening higher.
i'm no fool.
i have feelings too.
i just choose not to show,
i just choose to keep mum about all these issues.
because i treasured this friendship,
i've always given you the benefit of the doubt.
but it seems to have come to a point that i can no longer come up with any excuses for you to deceive myself.
no point pinning so much hope that you'll change.
so these few things that i've promised to help you get done,
are gonna be the last that i'll be doing for you.
no more.
unless you can prove to me;
that everything i said was wrong.
unless you really set your mind on changing,
or else, don't come asking me why people are shunning away from you.
i remember,
that you were never this way in the past."
why do people around me nowsaday always make me question myself -
wheather the person i used to know, is the real them?
or was it that i've never known them well enough?
Est Cela Trop Pour Demander.
2:26 AM
she writes
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
friends, feels to me like a word as complicated as love.without them, i'm at a complete loss.
yet with them, i'm always filled with doubts;
never know who are those who are here to stay,
never know who are those who will abandon and leave me behind.
i really need someone to be here.
someone who will lend me a shoulder, to lean on.
someone who will let me cry for all i want, without telling me i hafta be strong.
someone who will hear me say the same things over and over again, yet not find me a nuisance.
someone who will allow me to scream out loud, without feeling a tinny winny bit of embarassment.
but no matter how hard i try to look,
i can't seems to find this someone.
yes, they will never ever mind to go out and have fun with you,
but when it comes to the serious stuff,
nobody seems to be bothered with what you're going through.
every time you try to say something,
they always seems to have their own pieces to say.
and after you're done with listening,
they forget that you want to be heard too.
i'm not blaming anyone.
cause i'm sure even i myself is such a "friend" in the eyes of some people.
and i should prolly reflect on myself before i start pointing fingers at somebody else.
no longer able to commit my heart and soul into anyone anymore,
and being so afraid to trouble people.
maybe the problem lies with me, and not anyone else.
so wanna spend a night by the beach.
attacked very badly by asthma these few days.
it has come to the point that i'm using my inhaler at least 3 times a day.
and i don't know how i could possibly forget something that i'm like depending my life on now;
i headed home from work, leaving my inhaler at the counter!
was seriously having a very hard time breathing on the bus ride back.
i had to walk like super slow back home after getting off the bus to make sure my breathing could keep up.
but i still managed to get home, with trembling hands though.
the gastric pain refuse to go easy on me either.
and it definitely doesn't help with non-stop working.
did i mention i think i injured my left elbow?
cause it hurts like shyt.
"and i feel like shyt now too,
cause i miss you so bad.
do you know how much effort i needa put in,
everytime i see you?
to suppress the urge of wanting to scream out so damn loud -
"baby, i love you!"
to control the desire to wanna hug you so tight.
to hold back the tears.
to pretend that i'm all fine.
but still,
no matter how much more i needa put in just to see you,
i know i'll still willingly do so.
i had prolly asked myself a million times too;
why am i so damn silly?
they all say it's time to forget.
is it really wrong to love you?
then why am i punished with tears?"
nothing seems to be making sense.
i just wanna rant.
to hell with everything!
Moments.
11:45 PM
she writes
Thursday, November 06, 2008
'one day i'll wake up,and it won't hurt anymore.'
please let it be this way.
please let it happen soon.
i wear a mask to face each day;
and today,
i have on my i-am-trying-real-hard-but-yet-i-still-fail-so-bad mask.
i'm sorry.
"i just can't seems to do anything right;
when you're not right here beside me.
i feel so fcking useless.
forgive me,
but i really needa scream -
baby,
i miss you;
so so so bad.
baby,
come back to me.
stay right here by my side,
and say you'll never leave again.
i'm sorry."
想念你最好的方式;
偶尔哭红双眼.
No One Can Fill.
12:12 AM
she writes
Sunday, November 02, 2008
was at the airportsending my sis and her family off to hongkong.
with every ounce of strength left in me,
i was trying real hard,
to fight off the lingering memories there;
of me sending him off to japan.
memory is a funny thing.
when i was in the scene,
i hardly paid any attention to it.
never stopped to think that it'll make a lasting impression.
going to places with memories is,
painful yet relieving.
it hurts to see that the place's still the same,
yet as clear as my memory may be,
we are no longer in it.
everything that seemed so happy back then,
the world i had then,
the us then,
were all gone.
and in the face of these lost happiness and happy reminiscent,
i vacillate between despair and hope.
it's really confusing,
not to mention,
mind-taxing.
"if only i could easily convince myself,
that you're off on another holiday to japan.
just that this time round,
you'll be away for a longer period,
just that this time round,
you might never come back again.
it's one day late.
not because i've forgotten,
but i'm forcing myself not to remember.
still,
i lost the battle within;
to suppress the desire of still being able to tell you -
happy 34th monthsary my love."
despite the less than 2 hours of sleep last night,
and being exactly awake for 24 hours now,
i have this feeling;
that tonight,
is gonna be yet another sleepless night.
I'm Not Moving.
4:00 AM
she writes
