Wednesday, May 17, 2006
my blog have been like stagnant for almost a week. it's not as though i don't wanna blog. i really want to. but i seriously have nothing to blog about.
my life's more or less the way it has always been. i'm still going to school on an average of only 4 times a week. and i'm still watching an average of 1 movie per week. nothing exciting
and i'm still more or less the way i've always been. i'm still lagging behind all studies. and still slacking a lot. and still very unmotivated to study. and still very not focus while studying.
the only significant difference that i find in my life is the absence of netball. and the only significant difference that i find in me is that i'm finally starting to attend maths remedial. haha. it may be no big deal to you. but it's considered a very great achievement for me already okay. haha!
fortunately, there's still some "more exciting" stuff for me to look forward to. like egers-without-the-character-from-sesame-street long john silver dinner on sunday night. the opening of movies like 'over the hedge' and 'da vinci code' this week. and lastly, which is also the most "exciting" event of all that is coming up. my birthday! :) haha! for those of you who don't know or have already forgotten. my birthday is on the 1st of june! *hint hint* haha. ... i guess this is what douglas will classify as cheap publicity. haha!
Superwoman.
1:26 PM
she writes
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
you'll never ever never ever know how deep you left this scar.
When Trust, Confidence And Faith Turns To Dust.
1:17 PM
she writes
Thursday, May 04, 2006
we played our last match against mjc today. lost by 4. :( so upset. this is the 3rd time we played against them. and this is also the 3rd time we've lost to them. we came so close to winning. countless times. but still. sigh. so all in all we lost 3 outta 4 games. so obviously it isn't possible for us to proceed on to the 2nd round. but it's okay. at least we tried. yah. at least we tried.
"my dear girls. i'm so proud of all of you! really. :)"today also marks the end of my 'netball career'. but sadly. it didn't have a very good ending. not because of the outcome. but because i didn't get to play for the last 2 matches. not at all. and i only got to play like 1 quarter each for the first 2 matches. which means 30 minutes for the whole season. all i could do for most of the time was to stand outside court and cheer my head off for my team mates playing on court. a lotta people tell me that it's okay even if you're the person standing outside court cheering for ya team mates instead of inside the court playing with ya team mate. cause you're contributing to the team in one way or another. but i know it's not okay. it feels a whole lot different when you're the one cheering outside court and when you're the one playing in the court. it really does. in front of everyone. i always pretend as though it doesn't really matter even if i don't get to play. but deep down inside. i really feel upset. it's devastating to longingly wait for coach to be calling out my name after every quarter only to disappoint myself time and time again. but i guess there's no one else to blame except myself. if only i was motivated to train right from the start. if only. sigh. but it's too late to regret and too early to die. hmmm. at least i didn't let myself down as a 'cheerleader'. i guess you'll understand why i say that when you hear my sexay voice. i guess this is what they call self-consolation. :
my own words keep replaying in my mind.
"i knew i was no longer special to you a long time ago."
i keep asking myself.
why am i torturing myself like that?
but still.
i have no answer.
or maybe the answer have been staring in my face all these while.
but i just refuse to accept it.
will anyone ever see how broken i am inside.
Time To Let Go.
2:50 PM
she writes
b e m i n e .
-
chloe eau de parfum
-
external hard disk
- guess tiffany large tote
- gucci bag
- holidays to bali/gold coast/hawaii/hongkong/japan/
phuket/maldives/
tioman/
taiwan
- iphone
- kate spate bag
- kate spate wallet
- lv damier canvas griet/hampstead gm
-
new hairstyle
-
samsung F480
- scuba license
j o l y n n .
the full time-
- student - shopper - dreamer -
the part time-
- clubber - model - odd job labourer -
she loves-
- her friends - her family - her MLBF - her little darling angels -
she is-
- emotional - vulnerable - temperamental - stubborn -