Saturday, September 29, 2007
one of the photographers i met at the event asked me to do a photoshoot for him.i don't really mind actually.
but somehow i just find him a little weird.
and it's freaking me out.
:\
but he's paying me prettay well.
like $15 to $20 bucks an hour.
considering the fact that i'm not a professional model or anything.
i thought it's a prettay good deal.
i don't know.
shall i accept the job?
talked to mummy over breakfast today.
she told me that a woman should always find someone who loves her more than she loves him;
in this way she'll be able to lead a better life.
i can't disagree with her.
but if given a choice again.
i'll still choose to be with someone who i love more than he loves me.
maybe i'm just naive.
but i believe that love changes everything.
if i really put in my heart and soul to love him;
one day he'll eventually love me just as much as i love him.
to you-
"i don't know if you know what's going on. but i guess you already do. there's a lot i wanna say to you. but i really don't know how and where to start. i don't even know if you're willing to listen to me. so i guess all i can say now is... i'm really sorry.
i still wanna hang out with you; movies, retail therapy and try-me therapy. i still want you to be there for me when i need you. just as much as i still wanna be there for you if you ever need me. but all these will only be possible if you're willing to.
i don't know if i'm being selfish and greedy like that. i'm not trying to get the best out of everything. but... can things between us just remain the way it used to be? i really don't want anything to change.
i can understand if you just wanna "move on". but i still needa say... thanks a lot for always being there for me. thanks a lot for all the care and concern. and for everything else. thanks a million. you'll always occupy a very special place in me. and the memories i'll definitely keep. not the memories of nobody. not the everybody's nobody. my super comic boy."
Is Nothing.
2:59 PM
she writes
Friday, September 28, 2007
it's finally over.FINALLY!
now i know;
it's seriously a very very tiring thing!
cause besides the actual thingy;
there's like rehearsals, fittings, make-up, hair and photographs.
:\
my make-up was so friggin thick that i looked like ghost!
and my hair was so lion-ish!
the curls made my face look like da-bao!
:\
it feels so good to have the make-up gone and my hair all straight again.
but i must say the make-up artists were all really very very nice!
:))
flash from cameras were everywhere throughout the event.
makes me feels like a superstar.
haha!
but my face was like all cramped up from smiling at the same time.
:\
didn't think i performed up to expectations though.
:((
guess i was way too nervous.
so i was prettay stiff.
and i walked too fast.
and i didn't pose long enough.
and i seemed to have screwed up the finale.
one way or another.
oh well.
:\
to all those that came down to support me (names not in any order)-
MLBF, sis, zhenhui, bestie, lings, xiao xian, ah mei, shihwen, aloy, kenny, waifong, andy, zihui, michelle, hilman and waifong's 2 friends.
"thanks a million for coming down to support me! it really meant a lot a lot a lot to me! i'm sorry you all had to wait so long before the show start. and i'm sorry that i didn't really put up a very good show. but still. i really think i needa say a big big thank you to all of you. THANK YOU! :))"
i seriously don't know if there's gonna be a next time.
cause it's really tiring!
and i don't really know if i'm cut out for it.
:\
will post up the photos when i gathered it from everyone.
i'm a happy pui pui!
and a very happy one indeed!
:))
I Miss You So Much I Don't Know What To Say.
4:43 PM
she writes
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
i seriously don't know what has gotten into me.have been all moody and pmsy these 2 days.
guess it's because i've been feeling really really drained out;
physically, mentally and emotionally.
i really need lotta encouragement now.
but if you think you cannot do that.
then shut up and fuck off!
cause i lead my life the way i want it to be.
so neither do i need you to pretend you know me well.
nor do i need your judgements.
you can save all that for yourself.
shall do a last cheap advertisement here.
event: martini on the beach
by: buttcheeks
date/day: 27th sept 07, thursday
time: 9pm onwards
venue: martini firm; 15 mohamed sultan
tickets price: guys-$15 & girls-$10 (1 free drink)
give me a call or sms me if you're interested in going.
then i can send you the "discount sms" so that guys can get in at the price of $10 and girls at the price of $8.
i'll get comission for bringing people to the event.
so if you want me to earn that comission.
do mention my name when you're purchasing tickets at the reception on that day.
thanks in advance to everyone who'll be going to support me!
for those who cannot make it;
i know you all would have wanted very much to be there to support me if you could!
so thanks a lot as well!
:))
i'll definitely do my best!
Hate That I Love You.
3:19 PM
she writes
Thursday, September 20, 2007
* Print the 'Martini on the Beach' e-flyer and enter Martini Firm for just $12 for guys (usual $15) and $8 for ladies (usual $10) inclusive of a FREE Goodie Bag worth $200, a FREE Make Over Inc Voucher worth $120 and a FREE The Cathay Movie Voucher from 9pm onwards!
here are the details!
i don't know why the time is not stated though.
but i think it'll start about 9pm.
i seriously didn't know we're gonna do a bar top runway!
OMG!
sounds sleazy.
:\
gosh!
i thought bikini is prettay off my limit already!
plus bar top runway?!
a bit too much for a first time experience?!
ahhh!
whatever!
too late to regret i guess!
just do it!
"my dear girl! nothing to be worried and afraid about! it's all gonna be okay! and i'm sure you'll do just fine! be confident! be strong! be determined! that's all you'll need! jia you jia you jia you! :))"
but somehow i just can't help feeling...
unsafe.
More Than You Know.
5:49 AM
she writes
Monday, September 17, 2007
| You Are An ENFP |
 The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller! In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart. You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts. At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do. You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused |
i'm posting this because i thought it's prettay accurate!
hahaha!
2:59 PM
she writes
my long awaited wakeboarding session is finally here!
yay!
super excited!
hopefully fido will be able to take us again this time!
:))
kevin said i'm selected for the butt cheeks show!
yay!
so here's all the details i have so far;
event: martini on the beach
by: butt cheeks
venue: martini firm, mohammad sultan
date: 27th sept 07
yet to know the time of the event though.
will update when i manage to find out.
so please come down and support me if you have the time!
:))
cheap advertising i know!
hahaha!
guys!
seriously one of a kind!
one moment they said A;
then the next moment they seems to have totally forgotten about what they said and do B!
:\
to that SUPER gong gong-
"you! still say you insist on waiting for my bus with me! but when 190 came you just walked away and at the same time asked me if i needed you to wait with me! obviously i had to say no need right?! you were already anviously walking towards the bus can! can't expect me to pull you back and ask you to wait with me right?! so i waited 20 mins for the bus ALONE! tell me; am i supposed to laugh or be angry?! i really don't know."
people around me seems to be "going away".
and it makes me feel depressed.
sometimes i can't help but wonder when will it be me.
"rest in peace xiawei."
"unloved and forgotten.
by you.
that's how you make me feel."
Since I Fell For You.
2:38 PM
she writes
Friday, September 14, 2007
12 september 2007 - wednesdaymet up with nadalala, zhen zhen, charmaine and chinghong after a long day of work at yamaha.
double o was our initial plan.
but they "rejected" our entry cause ladies had to be at least 21 to enter that night.
i still got the stamp though.
she stamped me without even looking at my id.
gosh!
do i really look that old?!
:\
got help from nadalala's sis who's on prettay good terms with the managers there.
but she could only get 4 of us in because...
shall leave out the details.
not too nice to mention it here.
so we headed to mos instead.
wasn't very crowded when we got there.
but the crowd started coming in after a while.
and smoove became really packed as the night proceeded.
as usual.
we were prettay lucky though.
or should i say our squeezing skill is really good.
cause we always manage to make our way into the "cage area" at smoove and get ourselves rather good spots to dance.
we were always surrounded by guys when we're on the dance floor.
not trying to say we attract guys.
just that the number of guys there outbumbered the girls by the ratio of like 1:5!
i seriously don't understand.
it's ladies night!
yet there's always more guys around!
seems to defeat the whole purpose?!
but if you really think about it.
the clubs are really smart actually.
making use of the ladies as their free marketing strategy.
:\
left at around 3 plus.
wasn't even a tinny winny bit "high".
not to mention drunk.
cause there was like no free drinks!
and the drinks were really far too expensive!
41 bucks for a jug!
so unlike double o;
ladies are entitled free shots there!
and it only cost 12 bucks for a jug!
though i didn't drink till i drop.
but at least i managed to really dance;
i totally like just let go.
:))
so i guess it wasn't too bad afterall.
minus the unavoidable touching from random guys.
it's definitely nice seeing the craziest-bunch-of-girls-in-my-life again!
though it's not full strength.
i thought charmaine, chinghong and me changed a lot.
maybe because we picked up...
which i would never have imagine we will back in secondary days.
zhen zhen got prettier snd definitely skinner!
and nadalala is prettay much the same;
confident, daring, bubbly and happening like always.
haha!
got home with tired legs with my thighs aching so bad to make it worse.
got a prettay sore blister too.
:\
too much dancing in heels i guess.
seriously gotta think twice before wearing heels to club again.
some pictures we took.
there's more with zhen zhen.
shall upload again after i manage to get it from her.
+-+Copy.jpg)
-nadalala!
-zhen zhen aka my fellow twin tower!
-ching hong!
.jpg)
-charmaine!
as for today.
only managed to drag myself outta bed at 1230pm.
so i skipped ob lecture obviously.
went for driving lesson in the late afternoon.
but nothing very happening today.
haha!
drove on the road for three-quarters of the lesson;
till like cck and teck whye area.
spent the other one-quarter of the time practising my reverse parking at the heavy vehicles carpark.
the car "died" 3 times on the road today.
kept forgetting to fully depress the clutch before i step on the brake.
:\
went for a run after i came home.
didn't head to my favourite reservoir.
but ran on the newly made running track around our estate instead.
but i made an improvision of the route.
ran all the way without stopping!
so proud of myself!
*beams*
my super comic boy-
"i can somehow understand how you feel when you said you were at a loss the other day. cause i'm feeling the same way now too; knowing you're unhappy and yet nothing i can do to make it all go away. but instead i just keep adding on to it. i'm really sorry. really worried about you. but i guess all i can do now is just to pray that things will get much better for you. but i really want you to understand is that it wouldn't help if you always keep things to yourself. even if you don't wanna tell. at least seek comfort. but i guess i'm not that influential to make a difference. well. as long as you're happy being the way you are. i'll be happy for you. but always remember. i'll be more than willing to be there when you need me. the way you did when i needed you. if only you're willing to trust me."
"it's so not me to not hold any expectations.
it's so difficult to hide the hurt and unhappiness.
but yet i have to.
because i love you.
it's so tiring.
but i'm not gonna give up no matter what.
hopefully one day you'll really see all that i've done.
and turn back;
for real.
i wanna go back to how we used to be;
and i hope you feel the same way too."
That's Enough For Me.
1:57 PM
she writes
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
so different.so distant.
but i'm contented enough.
really.
at the same time.
i can feel the fear building up inside me;
the fear of doing it all wrong.
the fear of losing it all over again.
but like i said;
i wanna try.
and i'm willing to take the risk.
cause i know i'll definitely regret if i don't.
i gotta be strong!
and everything's just gonna be just fine.
You Were The One Thing.
2:59 PM
she writes
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
i know;it's definitely not gonna be easy.
and it's gonna take a lot of time and effort.
i know;
if i'm gonna fall all over again.
it's gonna be so much worst.
i know it all.
but still.
i'm willing to take the risks.
and put in my best shot.
no regrets!
"but i really hope you feel the same way too."
"jia you my dear girl!
i'm sure you'll do just fine!
be strong!
and everything's gonna be okay!"
"happy birthday my little darling angels!
you two are definitely not forgotten!
but so so so much loved!"
Be Like Today.
2:59 PM
she writes
Monday, September 10, 2007
met up with sis at jurong point earlier on.it's been ages since we went out together.
as in just the two of us.
walked around a little.
then went to swensens.
we ordered a chicken salad, us fries and a regular earthquake!
and the two of us finish it all off!
gosh!
talk about dieting!
:\
haha!
-our regular earthquake! 3 sticky choco mix, 1 cookies and cream, 1 frosted chocolate, 1 chocolate malt, 1 chocolate and 1 banana split! so chocolaty! so sinful! but so so good! haha!
-the end product! so clean! haha!
-the chocolaty-earthquake-monster 1!
-the chocolaty-earthquake-monster 2!
-sisters! my sis claims that her face is the shape of a horse. and mine is of a pear! :\ wth! hahaha!
i so love my sis!
i really wish we can do this more often!
:))
we were followed by this man just now!
he looks like he's in his thirties!
wth!
i kept staring at him hoping he'll go away.
but he persistently followed us!
sis wanted to inform the security.
but we actually couldn't find any security around.
:\
i thought the whole thing was rather funny though.
cause his following skills is really lousy!
he was like hanging around waiting for us while we were buying stuff!
it was like so freakin obvious can?!
tomorrow is the day.
i'm scared.
my fear seems to be coming true.
Crawling Back To You.
2:59 PM
she writes
Sunday, September 09, 2007
woke up at 9 plus today.only slept for a miserable 5 hours.
:\
met ben at westmall at 11 plus to help him pick formal wear for his solemnization ceremony in the late afternoon.
didn't think i was much help actually.
cause i don't really know the style and colours that he like.
:\
but at least i help him pick up the right size for his pants!
if not he'll prolly be wearing a super baggy pants!
hahahaha!
went home to get changed then headed for gek poh community club to meet ben for his solemnization ceremony.
both of us were feeling prettay uncomfortable cause we were both dressed in a way we usually don't;
ben was in formal wear.
and i was in dress.
:\
but someone's officially a singapore citizen with pink ic!
haha!
some of the pictures taken.
-ben with his prettay dr amy khor. i know the resolution is damn bad. but this is the best i can do. cause i wasn't seated very near the stage. and i had to zoom like all the way just to snap this.
-ben in formal wear! this is prolly one of the rare time you'll get to see this. but i seriously thought he looks prettay good in it although he kept complaining. guess he's just not used to seeing himself this way.
-my face's so fat! but this is one of the nicer picture of the two of us. although ben complained that his head is "cut off". haha! okay la! i admit my photo-taking skill's not so up-to-standard!
came straight home after the ceremony thingy.
made white lotus paste baked mooncake!
:))
ta-da!
my masterpiece!
looks prettay good for a first-timer right?!
so proud of myself!
:))
it doesn't taste too bad too.
at least to me.
but i'm not exactly a mooncake lover.
so i shall leave it to the white-lotus-paste-mooncake lover to judge.
hopefully i'm receive positive comments!
went for a run with mummy at toh guan park after my mooncake baking session.
we ran till about 11pm.
prettay satisfied with my performance.
cause after not running for so long.
i actually covered quite a distance at a satifactory speed!
seems to be regaining my stamina!
:))
i've accepted the modelling job for buttcheeks.
yet to confirm if i'll get the job for sure.
but if everything goes well.
i'll be having my first show at martini firm on the 27th september!
but gotta be dressed in full set bikini, bikini with beach shorts/skirt and beach dress.
:\
well.
but i've already gave up the chance of doing my first show on the 6th september.
don't wanna let this chance slip by again!
"outta silliness again i guess.
but so what?
you won't be bothered anyway."
I'm Inconsolable.
2:59 PM
she writes
Friday, September 07, 2007
"lonely;not because you haven't been here with me.
but because i know you'll never be here with me;
ever again.
will you ever turn back one day;
and regret leaving me so far behind?"
All I Ever Wanted. Comes Right Down To You.
2:46 PM
she writes
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
driving lesson wasn't too bad today.thought i made great improvement despite missing 1 lesson last week!
:))
practised s-turning;
the car seems to be prettay in line with the curvature of the line.
practised turning and stopping the car within a parking lot;
seems to be able to stop the car straight and centralised in the parking lot already!
and the car no longer jerks that vigourously when i brake!
drove for about 45 minutes on the road;
seems to be able to move off and change gears prettay smoothly already!
and my angle of turning seems to be more accurate as well!
she didn't really hold on to my steering and turn it for me anymore.
:))
but i still can't really get a hand of stopping and moving off on a slope!
guess i need to practise more!
i scared my instructor on 2 occassions today!
:\
incident number one:
we were at the junction.
and i was supposed to move off after the traffic light turned green.
i guess i didn't maintain my half-clutch position.
and i kinda made the car jerked so badly that my heart skipped a beat too.
opps!
incident number two:
she asked me to step on the brake pedal.
and i went to step on the accelarator.
again!
opps!
all waifong's fault!
she cursed me today!
said that i'll definitely stepped on the accelarator when i'm supposed to step on e brake!
and it really happened!
evil!
lesson learnt today:
never ever wear slippers for driving lessons!
actually i knew this long ago.
but i thought private instructor wouldn't be so strict about it.
and indeed my instructor didn't say a thing.
but it was me myself had trouble driving with slippers!
i couldn't really step on the pedals properly!
and my slippers keep getting stuck on the rubber mat!
so in the end she made me take off my slippers and drive bare-footed!
:\
prettay interesting news these few days:
-winner of the 2007 ironman 70.3 triathon (singapore) wasn't carrying his water bottle when he crossed the finishing line.
instead he was carrying a bouquet of flowers and ran straight up to his girlfriend to proposed to her after he crossed the finishing line!
super duper sweet right?!
when will something like that ever happend to me?!
and the amazing thing was that he was carrying the ring throughout the entire triathon!
biking, swimming and running!
i can't help wondering where he kept the ring!
in his underwear maybe?!
hahahahaha!
-corporal dave teo ming "escaped" from mandai hill camp with his SAR-21 assault rifle and several rounds of ammunition while he was supposed to be on guard duty on sunday night.
more than 200 police officers were sent to hunt him down.
guess where he was nabbed?!
orhard cineleisure.
why there?!
because that's a usual hang out for his ex-girlfriend and her new beau!
guess he was either planning on shooting his ex-girlfriend, or her new boyfriend, or both of them.
so silly isn't it?!
and to think that his full-time ns stint was gonna end next month.
"i just can't stop thinking about you today.
memories just keeps flooding back.
i really miss you.
how about you?"
Silly Silly Me.
1:43 PM
she writes
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
ratatouille is so so good!no wonder straits times gave it a 5 outta 5 stars rating!
it's seriously that good!
not only does it makes your stomach rumble throughout the show.
there's a lot of "values" which the show is trying to convey.
watched the show with grant-the-little-monster and ben-the-big-monster!
hahahahaha!
it's prettay tiring physically and mentally bringing the little monster out.
like his nickname implies;
he's really monsterous!
but fortunately ben was around to help me out here and there.
so to ben the gong gong-
"thanks a lot! for everything! i know if you were to read this you'll prolly ask me how many times i wanna say thank you again. but i really feel that i can't thank you enough. although you feel that you didn't do much. but to me it's a lot already. really. and i know it's definitely not easy for you to tolerate all the weird stares from people. but you still kept quiet about it. i'm prettay touched actually. :))"
i'm attacked by the flu bug!
again!
but maybe it's not a bad thing afterall.
really hope i'll be really ill for a few days so i can really take the chance to have a good rest.
all these hectic schedules just to keep myself occupied so as not to think too much is really draining me of every strand of energy in me.
:\
most prolly no sleep for me tonight.
gotta try to finish up ob.
:\
today marks the first month of independence for me.
but everything still feels the same as it was on my very first day of independence.
the hurt.
the heartache.
the misery.
everything.
still as familiar as ever.
no matter how much i know i gotta let go and move on.
at the end of the day i still find myself standing at the very same spot.
i really tried.
but who believes.
Say You Love Me.
2:49 PM
she writes
Monday, September 03, 2007
i'm a happy girl today!cos i've finally bought the bag that i've been eyeing for more than a month!
prettay right?!
haha!
i feel "sweetened" by some stuff which SOMEONE said earlier.
:))
but i don't wanna have that kinda falling-from-29th-stories feeling again.
so i'm not gonna think too deep into it.
Changed. Completely.
2:01 PM
she writes
Sunday, September 02, 2007
just got back from wayne-the-mini-monster birthday party.nothing much.
the usual meeting up with relatives.
and kids running loose all over the place.
wayne did his first year birthday special performance!
he started walking today!
like without any form of support!
and he actually covered quite a distance!
:))
bought a top and a pair of shoes from fox baby for the mini monster.
but he could fit into neither of those!
so i gotta bring them back to change.
:\
he's obviously too fat can?!
i already chose the top of the size for 18-24 months!
and the pair of shoes was like the biggest size for babies already!
gosh!
to think he's only like 1 year old!
-the birthday boy!
-niece cherlene who stuck to me most of the time! had to keep feeding her! cause she's like a super big eater! can't tell right?!
-sis!
waifong and laifong came too!
but i realised i didn't take any photos with waifong using my phone.
it's all with her.
:\
had people coming up to ask me "where's your boyfriend?" all day.
although i've already see that coming.
and i didn't think it would be so hard to break the news to them.
but i realised i just couldn't do it.
so the best i could do was "he's working tonight.".
my cousin even told me that she reserved a seat for him for her wedding.
i seriously don't know how to explain myself when the time comes.
my life seems to be so flooded with disappointment all of a sudden.
prolly because i kept telling myself that miracles do happen.
but i realise i was just being naive that's all.
this feeling's like falling from a 29 stories building.
over and over again.
and i seriously hate feeling like this.
:((
feeling emtional all over again.
""silly. you are the reason why i breathe. :)"
then have you stopped breathing?"
Why Does My Hands Fit Yours This Way?
2:47 PM
she writes
omg!
after countless of weeks, i finally lost another 1 kg!
:))
finally saw the number 7 on the weighing machine instead of 8!
yay!
2 more kg to go!
wayne-the-min-monster's first birthday celebration today!
definitely gonna be full of yummies and junkies!
hope i'll be able to resist!
i don't want my weight to go back to 8 again!
canot believe i actually slept less than 6 hours.
:\
Sweetest Drug.
3:22 AM
she writes
Saturday, September 01, 2007
friday - 31 august 2007i'm attacked by the flu bug!
:((
attended bc lesson in the morning with a friggin bad flu.
the bad flu later evolved into a splitting headache during ia lesson in the afternoon.
it was so bad that i totally couldn't concentrate.
was burying my head under my arms for more than half of the lesson.
rushed off to shang after school despite feeling weak all over.
i just didn't thought it was right to call in sick when they're so short of staff.
it was afterall 1000 pax city bank dinner and dance.
1000 pax dinner and dance is already like prettay tough to handle.
not to mention that city bank is well known for being difficult.
no offence to anyone who is or was from city bank.
but my past experience with the people there definitely supports what i say.
started work at around 6pm.
sith wanted me to do vip table together with joanne and heng hwee.
three person to a miserable 10 pax vip table is really too extravagant.
but in the end they still took heng hwee away from us.
so joanne and me had to run the food and station by ourselves.
it was prettay alright since the vip(s) weren't too difficult to handle afterall.
instead, it was the staffs that actually drove me mad instead!
joanne and me were like abandoning the vip table most of the tine just to help up around half of the ballroom.
all the new staff were totally crap!
and all the staff engaged from the starfish agency were even worse!
taking for example the two guys in zhang xiao's station.
the number of times i carried oval trays were easily five times more than they did?!
i seriously think the management should increase our pay to like 10 or 12 bucks an hour rather than spend so much more money engaging all these good-for-show-but-totally-useless people!
you may think i'm prettay crude to say something like that.
but i bet u'll definitely agree with me if you were there.
yes!
it's that bad!
it was like complete war zone situation in the ballroom after dinner started and ended.
i was like fuming, pissed, and irritated.
and i definitely wasn't the only one.
i don't know how much fights almost broke out today.
:\
but for the first time, i seriously felt happy when i was doing ushering before the diner!
amazingly!
although i had to stand at the lobby for almost two hours.
and there were countless of times that my legs were like totally giving way that i thought i was gonna faint.
but i was seriously happy when i greeted each guest and gave them directions!
prolly because i felt back at home and doing the more people-oriented job that i love.
or prolly it's because i haven't been smiling sincerely from the bottom of my heart for a super duper ultra long time.
but today i actually sincerely smiled and greeted hundreds of people!
:))
had a mini "accident" with one of the camera man during the event.
he knocked into me.
and his camera hit my arm.
where now lies a swollen patch of blue black.
but fortunately his camera didn't drop, break or spoil.
if not i really don't know how many months of shopping i have to forego to pay for that.
so i guess a swollen patch of blue black ain't that bad afterall?
:\
i'm prettay proud of myself today!
cause today is the first day that i sucessfully survived my new diet plan!
only ate a piece of cake during bc break this morning and drank a cup of ice milo while the rest were having supper just now.
*beams*
hopefully i'll see some results when i step on the weighing scale tomorrow!
i've been accepted as a model by the event company!
:))
though i've yet to give my reply.
and the pay isn't a lot.
like 50-80 bucks for each show depending on experience.
which i have none.
but i think i'll prolly say yes.
for experience sake.
anyway i won't be bounded by contract of anything.
so not much of a problem.
hope you all will come support me during my "shows"!
especially my very first!
although i'll be getting 4 bucks comission for every person i bring.
but it's the support that really matters most to me!
i'll keep you all updated after everything's confirmed!
:))
i'm totally looking forward to monday!
:))
ben the gong gong-
"i'm really really sorry if i made you worried and angry today. but i guess what's important is i survived and still came home safe and sound. right? so don't be angry anymore kay? but seriously. you'll never know how touched i always am when you're so concerned and worried. so... thanks! though i prolly said it a million times already. :))"
feeling prettay sick and tired now.
but just can't seems to be able to get to sleep.
:((
no one will ever know what i'm going through now.
although a lotta people may say they totally understand how i feel.
cause they've been through or are going through a heartbreak now.
but i can say that no one will feel the same way i do.
definitely.
cause relationship is something that varies with individual.
some might have valued the partner more and some less.
some might have put in a lot of effort while some not so much.
some might have pinned a lot of hope and expected a lot while some didn't.
so don't ever try to comfort me or tell me what to do just because you know how i'm feeling.
when you really don't.
instead.
all you should do is just to be there.
quietly be there without any questions.
give me a big hug and let me cry till my hearts content.
when i'm ready, i'll naturally talk.
"i really wish i can live everyday happily.
or just be contented with the new life on my own like you.
but i just can't.
cause everything and everywhere just seems to remind me of you.
the events that happened.
the things that we did.
the stuff we said.
the promises we made.
all these just keeps flooding back to me.
when is the day that i can completely pick myself up and move on?
just like you did.
when can i not shed a single tear for you anymore?
when will i stop feeling the heartbreak everytime i see you?
will i ever get the answers to all these questions?"
The Source Of Energy.
9:04 PM
she writes
