Friday, April 30, 2004
HaiX..
Feel so discouraged.. After sleeping for only mere 3 hours last night.. Just to study my A maths.. I still think that I wouldn't be able to make it throught this paper.. After calculating the marks of those questions that I didn't attempt and not too sure.. I'm only left with 53 marks.. And that's provided every question that I answered is right.. ( _ _") Spent so much time studying and yet.. *SigH* Still thought of making a change this time by passing with about 51 - 55 marks.. *SigH*
And guess my English paper 2 was a mess as well.. Didn't know how to answer quite a number of questions.. And my summary.. I didn't have enough points to write so I added a lot of rubbish in it..
HaiX..
Another 2 paper completed.. And gone as well.. But guess I should leave the worrying of the results for later.. Cuase I'm taking my Geography paper 1 and Physics paper 2 tomorrow.. Wonder how am I gonna finish studying both the subjects today.. *SigH* Kinda regret.. Should have started revising early.. Then I wouldn't be sacrificing my beauty sleep this few days.. But I guess there's nothing I can do other than hang on till the end of next week.. Think I'm starting to resemble a panda more and more each day.. Really hope exams can end soon.. So I can recuperate all the loss of sleep that I've sacrificed these few days..
Oh yah.. Nearly forgot to mention.. I nearly nearly nearly nearly got to sit beside my Dunern cute guy on the bus today lehX.. But the malay guy in front of me went to sit with him.. *ArgH* All that guy's fault.. As in not the malay guy lahX.. But the guy sitting behind my cute guy.. The seat beside him was empty lorX.. Then he put his bag down there.. So that malay guy couldn't sit.. So no choice lorX.. He sat with my Dunern cute guy.. Then when I walk over.. The guy move his bag away and let me sit lehX.. Why he don't move it away earlier lorX.. *ArgH* I bet if he move it away earlier than the malay guy will sit with him.. Then I'll get to sit with my Dunern cute guy liaoX.. *SobX* Feel like biting him.. All his fault.. *ArgH*
Anyway.. My Dunern cute guy the hair today a bit messy.. HahaX.. But he still looks as cute.. So cute~! Very cute~! HahaX.. Wonder when will I be able to get to know him.. HahaX.. I'm starting to fantasize liaoX.. HahaX.. But fantasizing is good.. Isn't it.. Cuase in fatasies.. At least we get to have everything that we want and what we don't get in real life.. Although they'll not real and they don't last.. But better than nothing.. HahaX.. Self consoling.. HahaX..
Love.. Is Now About Me.. Standing Alone In Every Photo..
6:19 AM
she writes
Thursday, April 29, 2004
In life.. There's always so many choices that we have to make.. And every choice we make is bound to affect someone indirectly or directly.. In either a good way.. Or a bad way.. But it's always up to us.. To make the choice.. To choose to affect people in a good way or a bad.. But sometimes.. Things just can't be helped.. For some selfish reasons or another.. We are bound to make decisions that affect the others in a bad way.. But I guess.. There's nothing we can do about it either.. Cause we are humans.. Pure selfish humans..
HmmM.. This is something that I experienced and thought about much deeper than before after watching some flash during literature today..
Anyway.. Saw my cute guy when I got down bus 300 today.. Didn't notice that he was on the same bus as I was.. But afterall.. He's still as cute as ever.. (o^^o) His cuteness (Don't know if got such a word..But never mind..You know what I mean..) is simply so irresistable~! HahaX.. Like a bit exaggerating le.. But can't deny what.. He's really very cute what.. HahaX..
Wah.. Tomorrow Thursday le lehX.. A maths paper liaoX.. Feel kinda stressed now.. Cause I only studied like 3 chapters out of 15.. *SigH* Wonder how I'm gonna fair this time.. KayX lahX.. Got to go study le.. If not tonight really no need to sleep le.. Pray hard for myself.. *Jia You*
If It Was Dumb Of Me To Choose To Live In Illusions.. I Rather Remain Dumb Forever.. Because In Illusions.. There Is Always You.. Beside Me..
12:11 PM
she writes
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
One good news and one bad news to share today..
The good news is.. I finished another paper today.. Social Studies.. *YeaH* But the bad news is.. I didn't have enough time to finish 2 source based questions which cost 12 marks.. *SigH* Don't think I'm gonna pass this paper.. But after so many papers that I've taken.. Which paper did I ever finish with the confidence of passing.. *SigH*
Taking my A maths paper this coming Thursday.. Mrs Chiu said that it will be an easy paper.. So if it's really true.. I really really hope I can at least pass between the range of 51 to 55 marks..
HmmM.. Feel a little mean saying this after all that he've done.. But sorry to say.. I'm really starting to doubt.. I'm starting to doubt everything.. Everything that happened from the first day we met all the way till now.. But afterall.. I wouldn't want to get things straight too.. Maybe not at this moment.. Cause I'll either be so hurt if he told me it was all a lie.. Or I'll only make myself more confused if he tells me he really likes me.. But I guess.. It just isn't the time to think of things like that now..
HaiX..
Anyway.. Haven't seen him for few days liaoX.. And don't think I'm gonna see him any time soon either.. Exams mahx.. But guess like that also good lahX.. We can both concentrate on studying.. Just hope that we both can do well for this exams.. *Jia You* And probably by not seeing each other.. He'll suddenly realise that he don't really like me that much afterall.. HahaX..
Oh yah.. Saw my Dunern cute guy on the bus today.. And as usual.. He's still as cute.. (o^^o) Sat directly behind him today.. His hair long liaoX.. HeeX.. And he spoke today.. Of course not to me.. But the guy beside him.. But I still managed to notice that he have a kinda deep voice.. And he also pierced his ear.. HahaX.. So cute~!
In The World Full Of Strangers.. You're The Only One I Know..
8:46 AM
she writes
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
HaiX..
I think I'm
sick..
I'm having a terrible
headache.. A terrible
gastric.. And I'm feeling
terrible..
*SobX*
HaiX..
Don't think I'm gonna do well for this mid year..
Took my English paper 1 today.. And I think I'm gonna
fail.. I don't think I wrote enough for the composition.. And I
crashed up my letter writing.. Can you believe.. How
careless can I get..
HaiX..
When is this stupid exam gonna end.. I really hope it can end soon.. Cause I'm really so
stressed up and
tired and I think I'm going
crazy..
HaiX..
Don't Speak.. I Know What You're Thinking.. I Don't Need Your Reasons.. Don't Tell Me Cause It Hurts..
5:43 AM
she writes
Friday, April 23, 2004
HaiX..
Sometimes I really wish I could
speak the
truth.. To everybody.. To him..
Sometimes I really wish I could
show on the
outside.. Exactly how I
feel.. To everybody.. To him.. Cuase I'm really
tired of hiding..
But so what if he really
knows how I
feel.. So what if he
understand all my
doubts..
Nothing will change..
Nothing..
Cause I can never
return his love the way his
loves me..
*SigH*
If One Day I Was To Leave.. Will You Be The One Bidding Me Goodbye.. Or The One Leaving Together With Me..
2:48 PM
she writes
Thursday, April 22, 2004
HaiX..
I'm really
confused..
My mind is so
occupied..
I really don't want to get
hurt again.. I really don't wish to wake up into another
dream again.. I really don't want to look forward into another pack of
lies..
I really need to know if he's
true.. I need to know my
place in him.. I need to know if every word he speaks is the
truth..
It's not that I don't trust him.. Although not totally lahX.. I know it's kind of mean to doubt someone.. But you can't blame me either.. How can I risk to totally put my trust into someone I met in a way that don't even promise a
true friendship.. How can I risk to get myself
hurt again..
HaiX..
What am I suppose to do..
HaiX..
If You Promise Light.. Please Guide The Way..
1:56 PM
she writes
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
They lost today ehX..
*Sad*
But I guess lady luck just wasn't on their side..
He's very very very upset today.. The first message he sent me after the match was
"Haix.. Wtf.." And I was like so
"stressed" when I saw the message.. Cause I know I wouldn't know how to console him as I only ace in love and relationship councelling..
So all I did was to suggest to meet him.. Bought him 4 packs of chocolates with all the money I have.. And walk all the way from Clementi back home with him..
HmmM.. For the first half of the walk.. He barely spoke more than 5 sentences to me lorX..
So scary.. It was the
first time I see him so
quiet and
serious.. But after that the situation brighten up a tinnie winnie bit.. But can still see that he's still very upset..
HaiX..
Feel so
useless and so
super guilty.. Whenever I'm unhappy or down.. He always tries do loads of lame things to cheer me up.. But when he's unhappy.. There's seriously nothing I could do.. Or I know how to do.. I couldn't even make him smile at me once after almost an hour of attempt to cheer him up.. I couldn't even keep him company for a longer time..
HaiX..
How
useless can I get..
But still.. Hope he will really be alright tomorrow as promised..
Anyway.. Hope he can get well soon too.. Seems like he've been coughing for quite some days liaoX.. And I sitll absent mindedly bought him so many chocolates.. How could I..
Lying In My Bed I Hear The Clock Tick.. And Think Of You..
2:59 PM
she writes
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
I wish there was something I can do to ease the
pain in my heart..
All day yesterday.. I've been trying my best to stay strong.. Not to think about it.. But when Suxian asked me about it today.. I can't seems to hold it any longer.. I broke down.. I cried..
It has been really long since I felt this way..
I'm losing
focus and all my
concentration..
I'm starting to miss the pain in my wrist..
I'm feeling sucidal again..
I've been trying so hard get this stupid sucidal idea out of me.. I've been trying so hard to
heal the wounds in my heart that I earned these few years.. But everytime before one completely heals.. Another
cuts deeply.. And the idea bounces back..
They told me that maybe things isn't the way you think they are.. But what if they are..
What if he still likes her..
What if this is just a
beautiful lie..
What if it was only a
sweet dream..
What if..
HaiX..
But even if things are turning out the way I thought they are..
I thank God for blessing me with the sweetest dream and the most beautiful lie..
If I am going to be forced to wake up from this dream.. I promise never to fall asleep wishing that I could walk in the same dream again.. No matter how much it takes.. Instead.. I'll just keep this sweet dream as a memory.. In my heart..
Always..
If I Ain't Got You With Me Baby.. Nothing In This Whole Wide World Don't Mean A Thing..
8:22 AM
she writes
Monday, April 19, 2004
HmmM.. There's something
good and something
bad that I can share in this blog today.. So what should I talk about first..
OkayX lahX.. Talk about the bad thing first lorX.. HmmM.. It's not exactly bad.. It's just something that makes me
kind of upset.. I look through
his phone toady again.. But I look through it in front of him.. And it wasn't on purpose.. It was purely for fun.. And guess what.. I saw
her messages.. It wasn't suppose to be a big deal.. But as far as I know.. They have long stop contacting one another.. But why does he still have to message her even she had already made it clear to him to stop messaging her..
Why..
Am I right about how he feels about her.. I guess I am..
But why is he still treating me as if I meant the
world to him.. Does he really feel that way for me.. Or does he feels that it's a
duty to love me and to treat me nice.. Or am I just a
substitue for him to shower his love at when he can't shower it at her..
The day before came the message talking about the love of his life.. And today came all her messages.. How am I suppose to take this whole situation..
Pure coincidence.. Probably..
*Weak Smile* And the
irony is that in the message talking about the love of his life.. He said he wasn't sure if she was considered as part if it.. But if she's not.. Then why does she always appear in his mind.. Why does he reacts so weirdly whenever I showed him a photo with her..
Why..
I'm
confused..
I'm
upset..
I'm
heartbroken..
But I guess I don't have the right to feel this way either..
HmmM.. So much about the bad thing.. Now the good thing..
It isn't exactly a good thing either.. It's probably just a
enjoyable event that happened yesterday.. I wanted post it up yesterday.. But I was really tired by the time I reached home.. Which was already almost 1 in the morning..
*GrinZ*
Yesterday I went for the Ramayana oprea at Victoria Theatre.. It wasn't the oprea that was enjoyable.. But the day.. Cause my class..
406.. Dressed so
pretty..
(o^^o) Excluding me lahX.. People said we were the
best dressed group around the place..
*WinK* But they were people who said as we were dressing as if we are going for prom night.. But since there isn't going to be a prom.. Then must as well.. But I think we were rather
unique though.. HeeX.. And we had a lot of fun yesterday.. We took quite a lot of photos.. Did a lot of
dumb..
Lame..
Stupid and
bimbotic (if there is such a word and it's spelt this way) stuff.. Like walking like
bimbos in the underpass of the MRT station as if we rule the whole place.. HahaX.. And making Izyanti take a photo with her beautiful stranger.. HeeX..
But all these.. Are the
memories of class 406.. That I believe will be kept with us all our life.. At least for me..
If You Could See.. What I See.. You're The Answer To My Prayers..
7:22 AM
she writes
Saturday, April 17, 2004
HaiX..
Saw something I shouldn't have seen today..
Actually it was nothing much lahX.. It was just a message in
his phone talking about all the
love of his life..
But why am I so affected..
Because he
never told me he ever liked so many girls before..
But I couldn't blame him for that.. I never asked..
But I still can't help feeling kind of
upset..
I know I'm
sensitive and
emotional.. But that's how I've always been..
And I got a feeling
he still likes her.. Probably I'm just being sensitive again.. But what if it's true..
I don't know..
I'm
confused..
I wish I could know the
truth..
I wish there was something I can do about this..
But what..
What I Really Need.. Comes From Deep Inside Of Me..
3:18 PM
she writes
Friday, April 16, 2004
HmmM.. School was okayX today.. Missed quite a lot of lessons.. Chinese.. English.. Maths and Physics.. Due to the health screening and some other
special reasons..
*WinK*
My health screening went rather well.. The nurse told me that my backbone problem had slightly improved.. But she said I had to learn how to sit straight in order to totally correct the problem.. But it's kind of hard.. Cause I'm
tall.. And it isn't my fault that I'm this
tall.. Blame my parents for it..
*OppS*
Saw
my cute guy when I was walking down the stairs..
(o^^o) He's so cute! HahaX..
And he was looking in my direction..
*AheM* Don't get the wrong idea.. He was just looking towards my direction.. But definitely not at me.. HahaX..
Oh yah.. I also saw
my Dunern cute guy on the bus today.. It was the first time this week I managed to meet him on the bus.. And like always..
He's cute! Let me introduce a bit about him.. OkayX.. He studies in Dunern Secondary.. And most probably he's a Secondary 5 student.. And if I'm not wrong.. He plays badminton..
He'm cute! Really cute! (o^^o) A typical boy boy face..
Spiky hair.. And
tanned skin.. But too bad he's a little short for me.. HahaX.. But it's okayX.. Like my cute guy in school.. I just enjoy looking at him in the bus every morning.. But still.. I also hope can get his number or something lahX.. HahaX..
*BlusH*
HaiX..
Anyway.. I've realised that we.. Indeed are very
fickle minded creatures.. And we never seems to be able to stand firm on our stand..
*SigH* I've also learnt that in life.. No matter what decision we make.. We always seems to be directly or indirectly affecting the people around us.. In both good and bad ways..
HaiX..
But why.. Why can't our decision just affect everyone around us in a good way and make everyone
happy.. Why do we always have to hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally when we make a decision.. I really don't understand.. Can someone please enlighten me..
Anyway.. Jurong won Yuan Ching today by 11 points.. But he's still kind of upset.. He thinks it's his fault for letting in the last 2 pointer in the last 20 seconds.. And made them fall into the very dangerous zone because they should have at least won 12 points today to steadily get into the semi final even if Anglican was to intentionally lose to Yuan Ching tomorrow.. But now.. It all have to depend on the match tomorrow.. Anglican High vs Yuan Ching to determine their fate.. Because it was believed the Unity intentionally lost Yishun Town by 1 point so as to
"threaten" Anglican to lose to Yuan Ching tomorrow.. So to ensure that Anglican will not be having another match against Unity in the semi final again because they once lost to Unity.. But this move will eliminate Jurong out of the Nationals..
So I really got to pray very very very hard for Jurong tonight.. And wish them good luck.. Hope they can smoothly get into the semi final and get national champion this year..So as to ensure that I'll definitely receive my
$199 birthday present..
*GriNz* Anyway.. Also must wish them good luck for the match tomorrow.. Although it's an easy match.. But still..
Good luck! *Jia You*
I'm Gonna Stand By Your Side.. I'll Never Leave You Behind..
2:59 PM
she writes
Thursday, April 15, 2004
HahaX.. Just came back from Bukit Gombak stadium.. Today is our annual
Track and Field Meet.. OkayX.. In a simpler word.. Sports day.. HeeX.. And it is the 43rd year..
Had quite a bit of fun today.. Cheering and screaming away.. But the weather was
freaking hot.. I was sweating inside and outside.. Came home all wet and sticky..
*YuckS*
Anyway..
Red house was the champion house for the cheering today! *YeaH* But Yellow house got the overall champion.. Followed by Blue house.. And supposingly us.. Red house.. But some guy.. Didn't wear the red house tee.. So
10 points was taken away from us for that..
How unfair! So.. Purple got the third and we became the fourth..
*SigH*
HahaX.. And I saw
my cute guy performing in the band performance today..
He's so cute! (o^^o) HahaX.. OkayX.. Let me introduce a bit about my cute guy..
He's cute! Really cute! He have a
typical boy boy look.. HeeX.. And a bit of bengster attitude.. He's also
tall and
dark..
So cute horX! But too bad.. He smokes.. And I detest guys who smoke.. But that's okayX.. I only enjoy looking at him.. That's all.. Afterall.. He is one year younger than me.. But still.. I was wishing I can get his number or something.. HahaX..
Cause he is really very cute!
Tomorrow
Jurong vs Yuan Ching lohX.. Really hope they can
thrash them and get into the second round..
Good luck! *Jia You* Too bad I can watch the match tomorrow.. They'll be starting at 1.. But I'll only be dismissed at 2..
*SobX*
Don't Ever Let there Be A Down In Your Mind.. Cause I'll Remember You..
4:57 AM
she writes
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
HaiX..
Kind of upset today.. Shouldn't say upset lahx.. Probably more of disappointed.. Didn't get to perform at Sentosa this saturday.. I've been kind of looking forward to it.. Because it's like going to be the last performance I'll be able to participate before I graduate.. But now.. They got a sec 2 gal to replace me because they thought I couldn't make it with the injured leg..
HaiX..
But I guess there's nothing much I can do about it either..
HaiX..
My mood was kind of affected due to that.. So I went for a run.. Ran some distance.. It kind of help.. I felt much better.. Although I still feel a little disappoinment now.. But I just can't help.. Oh.. And he came to run with me for a while.. So nice horX..
ThanX..
HmmM.. Suddenly don't feel like going for Ramayana liaoX.. Since like there isn't a need to go.. And there's nobody accompanying me there.. But I've already bought the tickets.. Shouldn't just waste it like that ba..
Anyway.. Jurong vs Yuan Ching on Thursday lehX.. They must at least win 12 points to get into the second round.. Provided Anglican High don't play mean lahX.. Purposely lose to Yuan Ching and make Jurong out.. But horX.. If that really happen.. It should just be Jurong's retribution for doing the same thing to our school ba.. But still.. Of course.. I hope they can make it lahX.. If not he confirm very sad de lorX.. And my
$199 dollars birthday present also go down the drain liaoX..
HeeX..
So.. I still must wish them..
Good luck! *Jia You* Hope they can win Yuan Ching by a lot a lot a lot.. And really pray hard Anglican won't do things the mean way.. But I guess they won't lahX.. Cause don't think anyone will be as evil as Jurong coach liaoX..
*OppS* But I was just stating a fact..
*OppS*
I Promise You I Won' Forget The Times We Shared.. The Tears We Cried.. You'll Always Be The Sun In The Sky..
1:01 PM
she writes
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
HaiX..
They lost..
And he's kind of upset..
He's always there for me when I'm happy or down.. But what about me.. What am I doing.. Sitting in front of the computer writing this post..
(-_-")
HaiX..
I should have done something.. I should have kept him company for a while after the whole thing.. Or at least went over to talk to him.. But what did I do.. Nothing.. Oh yah.. Forgot.. I gave him M&Ms chocolates.. And it was Suxian who passed it to him.. What more can I say about myself.. Other than useless..
I'm sorry..
HaiX..
What's exactly wrong with me.. Do I have a problem or something.. Then why am I having a phobia of talking to people face to face.. Especially when there's lots of people around..
HaiX..
Can somebody tell me what I can do to "cure" myself..
HaiX..
You Made Me Believe.. That I Can Do Almost Anything.. Stood Right By Me.. Thorugh The Tears Through Everything..
9:50 AM
she writes
Monday, April 12, 2004
HmmM.. Nothing much to write for today I guess.. Cause I'm staying at home to complete my homework..
*Sad* So I'll probably touch a bit on my week on the whole..
OkayX.. Our school Bgals and Bboys both didn't make it to the second round of the nationals due to some
reasons.. But I guess they all did their best..
Oh.. And I watched 2 movies this week.. The Prince and Me.. And Hellboy.. Nice shows..
Anyway.. Tomorrow Jurong are having a match against Anglican High.. Hope they can win them by a lot a lot a lot..
Good luck! *Jia You*
If Only Time Will Stop And Dream Will Last..
6:37 AM
she writes
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Why are we so fickle-minded..
Why are we so fake..
Why do we always have to hurt the people who love us..
Why do we have to make empty promises.. Promises of everlasting love and eternal happiness.. But what exactly is everlasting and eternal when we don't even live forever..
I really don't like the way things are working..
*SobX* But there's nothing I can do to help.. I feel so useless.. Please.. Tell me what can I do..
If The Love In You No Longer Shines.. I'll Be The Star That Shines..
3:29 AM
she writes
Thursday, April 08, 2004
*pAiN pAiN* Cramps! Hate it!
Time Will Show That My Love For You Is Real..
12:19 PM
she writes
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
HahaX.. So happy..
(o^^o) I actually finished the my blog.. The tagboard.. The song.. The scrolling words.. I did them all myself.. So happy..
HeeX..
HmmM.. Let's talk a bit about my day.. Today was a super tiring day for me.. I had two tests after school.. Social studies and Chinese.. Think won't score for both ba.. Cos didn't really prepare for them.. Then after the tests.. I actually went for dance.. Can u believe..
HahaX..
Tomorrow my school Bgirls vs Anglican High ehX.. Very crucial match.. Hope they can thrash them and get into the secind round..
*Jia You*
*YawNz* Kind of tired le.. So got to stop here lorX.. NiteY..
Guide Me With The Stars.. And Love Me With All Your Heart..
2:55 PM
she writes
Monday, April 05, 2004
Can u believe it.. I actually did this blog thingie all by myself.. OkayX lahX.. With just a tiny winnie bit of help with a kpo.. =X Hahax..
2:19 PM
she writes