Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Chemistry remedial ended at 10 plus.. And I'm now at Suxian's house.. Came up to pass her the Chemistry worksheets.. Shouldn't go into details.. Don't want her to feel guilty.. Hahax..
So now I'm just waiting for time to past.. Cause I have to go back to school at one for Chinese remedial.. And I'm like slacking.. I'm supposed to be studying Chinese.. And to say that I just mentioned in yesterday's blog that I'm gonna buck up and study hard.. How contradicting.. But that's me..
I Keep On Waiting Till I'm Back Where I Belong..
3:12 AM
she writes
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
This is really stupid.. I'm blogging in the library.. I'm using the computer at the rate of $0.03 per minute.. Which is like how much an hour.. I'm really lazy to calculate.. Whatever.. All I know is that I'm left with a credit of $1.40.. Hope it can last me all the way till I finish this post..
I feel weird.. All the others sitting in front of the computers are grown-ups.. Surfing the net for some information.. I'm like the only teenager sitting here.. Checking my friendster account.. Browsing through others blog.. And typing away so loudly.. This is so embarassing.. I bet I look like some pathetic kid who doesn't have a computer at home.. But you can't blame me.. I don't wish to be here at this freaking cold place either.. My hands and legs have all went numb.. If only my computer is working.. I miss my computer.. Sigh..
I don't know why.. Why am I sitting here.. Blogging and trying to de-froze myself at the same time.. When I should be home studying.. All I know is that I've been yearning very much to blog.. My mind have been filled with so much thoughts.. I just wish I'll be able to write them all down.. Leaving a clear and empty mind for me to concentrate on my studies.. But now.. I'm sitting in front of the computer.. Totally clueless about what I should write..
Okay.. Let me share with you a lesson that I've learnt.. Or I should say.. A fact that I've understand.. Guys are BASTARDS! They are big time LIARS! They do everything with a motive.. Excuse me for my extremem reactions.. Guess I've been experiencing too much of their bastards behaviours and hearing too much of their lies.. I wish I can like scream in their face and ask them to get outta my life.. Or better still.. Plant a bomb on every single one of them.. Press the red button.. And let them all disappear from the surface of this earth.. Yup.. This is how much I hate guys.. It definitely wouldn't be suprising if I really become a lesbian one day..
But if this is really true.. Then why am I missing him.. Why am I feeling so upset that he haven't been contacting me for so many days.. Why do I keep wondering if he've met someone new.. Why do I feel so lost every time I pick up the phone not knowing how I can reach him.. This is so contradicting.. Is this really how I'm feeling inside.. Or is my heart deceiving me again.. I shall not believe in what my heart is feeling.. I shall not let my heart lead the way.. Cause every time I let my heart decide.. I'll end up getting myself hurt.. Or huting somebody else.. Then.. I'll regret.. I don't wanna regret again.. I don't wanna hurt myself or anyone else again..
Don't ask me why I've changed.. I don't know.. Maybe I haven't changed a bit.. Maybe I was like this all the while.. Maybe this is the real Jolynn.. And the past was just a disguise.. It's just that you guys didn't realise.. But whether you like it or not.. This is me.. I don't give about what others feel and look at me.. I live my life my own way.. I change for no one..
I've been having like tuitions.. Remedials.. And lessons every single day.. Sigh.. I feel so no life.. All that I'm supposed to do now is to study.. And tomorrow.. I'll have to go back to school for Chemistry remedial.. But it makes me feel much better to think that I'll be able to see all my friends again.. It's been like so many days since I last saw them.. I miss them so much..
Today is the 18th.. Which means that my bill will probably be here today.. Guess it'll be at least $85.. Sigh.. I can like totally kiss goodbye to my savings.. Sigh..
Sorry for the disorganised paragraphs.. Thoughts just don't seems to be flowing smoothly.. So I guess I should just end here.. Don't think my credit will be able to bring me that far either.. I only have like $0.70 left.. Hahax.. So pathetic.. I should be getting outta here too.. I'm like trembling all over.. And my gastric pain is acting on me.. Haven't eaten all day.. Should go grab a bite then go home and continue to be hardworking.. There's only like another 14 days left to my O's.. I really need to pull up my socks and stay focus.. For all the A's that I wanna see on my O'level certificate.. I must jia you..
"It's the last lap people.. We must all work hard and jia you.. I believe we can do it.. We'll make the school renovate the hall.. And make a bigger stage for all of us to stand up there on the day we go back to collect our results.. Jia you! You're not alone.. *Hugs Hugs* "
All My Life I've Been Waiting For You To Bring A Fairytale My Way..
7:37 AM
she writes
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Is it just me.. Or is it true that everyone around me seems to be slowly leaving me..
First was my sister.. She got married and moved to live with her in-laws.. I miss those times when we shared our secrets and promised to keep it from my mum.. I miss those time when she's always there for me when I meet with a problem.. I miss her unique laughter.. I miss her voice.. I miss her presence in the house.. Then it's Wen Hao.. Yong Hwee.. Jia Wei.. Desley.. Kian Tat.. Yong Kang.. Edision.. Shih Wen.. Liling and Jolyn.. We drifted apart by a lot after we were streamed into different classes.. Next is Eng Chee.. Then Tepang.. And now is Zhen Zhen.. Shi Han.. Nadalala.. Ching Hong.. Gennie.. Yeu Yeu.. Charmaine.. Izyanti.. Doreen.. Simm Ynn.. Jia Min.. Wan Mei.. Suxian.. And Jessica..
It seems like just yesterday when I first stepped into seconday school.. But now.. The year is gonna come to an end.. We're all gonna go separate ways to persue our own dreams.. Wan Mei is going to RJC.. Suxian and Yeu Yeu to SAJC.. Zhen Zhen to HCJC.. Although I know I should be feeling happy for them instead.. But I just can't help feeling upset.. It's too big a loss for me to take.. I'm gonna miss all of them.. Every single one of them..
I'm gonna miss Zhen Zhen.. My fellow twin tower.. The hardworking and clever girl who is really good at playing volleyball too.. I'm gonna miss her nagging.. Asking me to stop dieting..
I'm gonna miss Shi Han.. The Eurasian looking girl who always tries to decorate my Physics worksheets with her nam when I sit beside her..
I'm gonna miss Nadalala.. Nadalala Honk Yo Yo.. Also known to us as the rich bitch.. Who claims that she's just petite and not short..
I'm gonna miss Ching Hong.. The super animal lover who always insists that she looks really cute..
I'm gonna miss Gennie.. This little girl who dreams of earning her first million in her twenties and always experience really really bad menstrual cramps during her periods..
I'm gonna miss Yeu Yeu.. Wu Zhong no. 11 who refuse to let us help her get rid of the white hairs in her head..
I'm gonna miss Charmaine.. This girl with big eyes who always attracts a lot of guys's attention whenever she goes..
I'm gonna miss Izyanti.. Her styled hair and her excellence english..
I'm gonna miss Doreen.. The rich.. Careless.. Nice and unlucky girl.. She can lose a total of $700 in a year and have her new mp3 and handphone thrown into the toilet bowl by her baby cousin..
I'm gonna miss Simm Ynn.. The one who opens her mouth and talks about things you'll never expect someone like her to say..
I'm gonna miss Jia Min.. The girl who laughs at the slightest things.. And is always very concerned and caring towards her friends..
I'm gonna miss Wan Mei.. The emotional and sensitive Wan Mei who you can confide in and trust her with all your secrets..
I'm gonna miss Suxian.. The bubbly.. Lovely.. Adorable.. Cute and pretty girl who've been sitting beside me in class for almost two years.. The one who've always been with me when I needed her.. Who never fails to give me a hug or a kiss when I'm feeling down..
I'm gonna miss Jessica.. My bestest best nutty buddy in my entire secondary school life.. My number one lesbian partner who've been with me through everything.. Thick and thin.. Joy and tears.. The one who have never once left my side despite everything.. She's my brain.. My thoughts.. My tears..
Life is gonna be so so so so so different without all of them by my side.. Where do I find another group of friends who can take all my nonsense.. My stupid attitude problems.. My bad temper.. Who understand how I feel inside without me telling them.. Sigh.. But no matter what.. I still must wish them good luck in everything they do..
I feel so lost all of a sudden.. I use have so many people to depend on.. So many people to confide in.. So many people to turn to.. But all of a sudden.. I seems to be all alone.. I no longer have anyone to depend on.. I no longer know who to turn to and how to approach people..
I've changed.. Changed to become someone more and more reserved.. Someone who I myuself feel so distant to.. Someone who I no longer understand.. Someone who no longer smile from the bottom of her heart.. Someone who no longer likes to talk.. Someone who I don't like to be..
I Wish.. I Wish.. I Wish..
8:01 AM
she writes
b e m i n e .
-
chloe eau de parfum
-
external hard disk
- guess tiffany large tote
- gucci bag
- holidays to bali/gold coast/hawaii/hongkong/japan/
phuket/maldives/
tioman/
taiwan
- iphone
- kate spate bag
- kate spate wallet
- lv damier canvas griet/hampstead gm
-
new hairstyle
-
samsung F480
- scuba license
j o l y n n .
the full time-
- student - shopper - dreamer -
the part time-
- clubber - model - odd job labourer -
she loves-
- her friends - her family - her MLBF - her little darling angels -
she is-
- emotional - vulnerable - temperamental - stubborn -