t h e d a y m y w o r l d t u r n e d g r e y

Thursday, July 27, 2006

i don't wanna lie to myself anymore;
telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day.
i don't wanna pick myself up anymore;
to be able to move on.
i'm just gonna stay at the spot where i fell.
and let everything come crushing on me.
until i no longer feel a thing about anything.
anymore.

i lost.

"it's during those time when i needed to lean on you most;
you gave me a push and make me fall harder on the ground;
again and again."

Defeated.

6:21 AM

she writes

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

i wish everything will go back to the way they were.
but i know nothing will ever be the same again.

i'm tired of pretending.

Empty.

10:33 AM

she writes

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

i guess this week will be just as bad as the last.
or even worse.
"jessica... i really can't take it anymore. i keep telling myself that tomorrow will be a better day. so that i'll have the motivation to pick myself up again and again to move on. but at the end of each tomorrow. i just feel more and more hopeless about how the next day will turn out to be. i'm defeated."

"i think i did all that i can for you. for us. if that's the way you feel about me at the end of everything. i guess there's nothing more that i can say or do. but i will do you a favour by becoming the person you think i am. in this way you'll have the satisfaction of making the right judgement about me."

it's just keep going down and down and down and down and down...

Lost.

8:24 AM

she writes

Thursday, July 20, 2006

ironically.
i had a really really bad day today.
and as if i haven't had enough.
i'm living in total darkness now.

You Weren't There When I Reach The End.

10:57 AM

she writes

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

finally found the time to like sit down and really talk to xiao xian. it has been a long long time since we caught up with each other's life. and it feels really really good. :))

it's racial harmony day tomorrow! i'll be dressed in malay costume. all thanks to hazwani! :)) we're gonna have netball farewell party tomorrow as well! i'm really looking forward! it's been so long so long since we gathered together as a team. and it has been ages since i played netball! looks like tomorrow's gonna be a pretty exciting day! cant' wait! :))

Simple. But I Can't Explain .

11:34 AM

she writes

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

watched pirates of the caribbean on saturday. it was a really good show. despite the fact that i didn't catch the first part. the storyline is great. and it's really entertaining and exciting.

spent most of my weekend in the hospital. :\ and now i'm sitting at home instead of in school. :
i came across patrick tong's blog. and guess what i found?! ta-da! a timeline which reflects the no. of days, hours, minutes and even seconds left to a level! hmmm. what should i say about him? responsible? enthusiastic? haha. i really have no idea.

but as much as i'm think it's kinda lame to attach that timeline on his blog. reality slaps me hard on the face. i don't have much time left to a's as it reflects 107 days, 11 hours, and 15 mins and 19 seconds this very moment on the timeline. and the numbers are getting lesser and lesser as each day past. which means that every day from till the my a's is gonna count. so i better start working hard here and now. and every single day that comes.

so i guess in order not to contradict myself. i better be off to study.

"you never fail to make me feel stronger during the darkest moment.
thank you."

Now You've Given Me The Will To Survive.

3:57 AM

she writes

Saturday, July 15, 2006

i love today!
i love the ben's and jerry at the cathy picture house!
i love tweety bird's face!
"but most importantly.
i love you!"

"deep down inside.
i'm really scare.
i'm afraid of losing.
afraid of losing it all.

everything's so unpredictable.
we're so unpredictable.
never know when all these happiness is gonna end.
never know when all the tears and the hurt are gonna set in again.

all i ask is for everyday to be like today.
simple.
but happy."

Love Will Keep Us Alive.

2:45 PM

she writes

Friday, July 14, 2006

i am
so bruised.

Sometimes A Happy Ending Doesn't Last.

1:04 PM

she writes

Saturday, July 08, 2006

town trip with jessica and tammie today was alright. started the day off by watching scary movie 4. it totally totally totally sucks. it's so so not worth the money. though i must admit that it's hilarious at certain parts. especially when the woman was communicating with the ju-on. but other than the entertainment. there's seriously no content. at all. and the show is really short too. only about an hour or so.

we went to do some shopping after the show. jessica bought a top from topshop. and i bought a pair of slippers from new urban male.

the guys working at new urban male are like so totally hot! not only are they good-looking. they have like a great tan. and super hot bods too! we were like practically drooling. or should i say it was just tammie and me. haha! and it was this super duper ultra cute and friendly guy name khai who served me. maybe that's why i actually convinced myself to buy the slippers and became a member. cause it's so hard to say no to a cute guy! haha!

but i'm not the worst. we spent like approximately 15 minutes loitering outside the shop. just because tammie wanna continue looking at the cute "ang-moh-looking" guy in the shop. haha!
i finally saw tammie's true colours today. the boy-crazy side of tammie. hahahaha!

met douglas around 5 plus. the hot weather forced us to step into taka. where he bought me a head-bobbing ducky. :) we ate macs for dinner. then headed home. though it was just a really short meeting. but considering the hectic timetable that he has. this is already a bonus to us. :)

hopefully we'll really be able to go roller-blading tomorrow. :)

Maybe I'm Perfect For You.

2:49 PM

she writes

Friday, July 07, 2006

went town with shorty (ying huey), middy (yuzhen) and aunty flor (florina) yesterday.
yuzhen bought loads of things.
but the rest of us went home empty handed.
but it gave us a really good chance to catch up with each other.

supposed to meet hilman in town today to accompany him to get a present.
but it ended up as though i went out shopping alone.
never mind.
don't wish to talk about it anymore.

meeting jessica and tammie in town tomorrow.
yah. it's town again.
3 days in a row.
i think i'm gonna contract "town-phobia" after tomorrow.
haha.

"i really really want to go roller-blading with you this saturday."

don't underestimate the stupidity of guys when they're in a big group.

Crumbled.

12:48 PM

she writes

Monday, July 03, 2006

i went to the places that i never went without him.
i walked the routes that i never walked without him.

just to prove that i'm perfectly fine even if i didn't have him with me.

but what did i gain in the end?
i didn't feel a great sense of satisfaction or achievement.
neither was i happy.

cause no matter how much i pretend.
i'll always just be me.
the pathetic me.

"and you.
the stranger in disguise."

Nobody.

2:06 PM

she writes

Sunday, July 02, 2006

douglas claims that i attract the kois.

2:59 PM

she writes

oooo. we see loads of kois.

2:59 PM

she writes

it's a mini-artificial-waterfall behind us.

2:58 PM

she writes

us.

2:57 PM

she writes

2:57 PM

she writes

my boy.

2:57 PM

she writes

the main dessert buffet line. taken from a distance too.

2:56 PM

she writes

the fondue fountain. taken from a distance.

2:55 PM

she writes

the remains on our table from the dessert buffet.

2:54 PM

she writes

lion fish.

2:53 PM

she writes

the zebra fish. name contributed by me.

2:52 PM

she writes

the leopard fish. name contributed by douglas.

2:52 PM

she writes

dory! i had like so much difficulites snapping a picture of it. cause they're like such fast swimmers. that's why the picture is not centralised.

2:51 PM

she writes

the clownfish hiding among the corals.

2:50 PM

she writes

pretty pretty corals.

2:49 PM

she writes

see the 2 lumps of grey thingies? they stick on the wall of the tank! and according to douglas, they're oysters! hahaha! but i doubt they are. cause they just look like some normal snail-like creatures to me. :\ and they don't look edible either. haha!

2:48 PM

she writes

the yellow fishes which always clusters together.

2:47 PM

she writes

this fish camouflages with the "seabed". and it moves really slowly too. guess it's part of its camouflaging skill by not attracting so much attention.

2:46 PM

she writes

it's been 6 months.
"happy 6 months my boy! muacks! :)"

watched superman returns at suntec today. hmm. can't say it was a super fantastic show. but it wasn't that lousy either. my rating: 3 outta 5 stars.

walked around a little around suntec after the show. douglas bought me a pair of shades. haha! i think i look like a housefly wearing that pair of shades. and he said i look like a big one. how nice of him!

saw 3 aquariums of fishes when we were down at the basement. snap a few pictures of the fishes. shall upload the pictures of the more interesting fishes.

went over to fullerton hotel for the dessert buffet! the buffet's like so full of chocolates! there's like many different types of chocolate cake along with some other desserts. and there's this station where the chef will make you hot chocolate with the type of chocolate that you chose. and and and. you can even make ya own chocolate fondue! so so super yummy! but i surrended after a while. cause the desserts were so damn filling that i seriously couldn't fill my stomach further after a while. and i guess i had too much of all the chocolates that it made me feel a little sick. :
douglas ate more than me during the buffet and yet he's like still hungry. so we went over to this open-air hawker centre near the esplanade to have hokkien mee before heading home. haha! no wonder he gained like 2kg during the holidays! but i guess i'll consider that as a good news!

"i had so much fun today! :)
thanks a million for everything my dear! :)
sorry that i was kinda pms-sy today.
lovelove."

More Than Memories.

2:45 PM

she writes