Friday, April 29, 2005
Feel so utterly demoralised.Had 3 tests this week.
Maths - I shouldn't say that the paper was tough. Cause it was okay. It's just tricky and requires more in depth thinking. But I made a stupid careless mistake! And this careless mistake may cause me to fail the paper.
Sigh.
Economics - I really wanted to score for Economics. So I put in effort to prepare for this test. I did all the MCQs in the tys of the topics that are gonna be tested. I even did the MCQs under the topic 'demand' twice! But the paper came out to be so tough. I don't even have the confidence that I'll pass the MCQ section. Not to say the structure questions which I crapped my way through and didn't manage to complete.
Sigh.
Chemistry - I totally screwed up this paper. Outta 30 marks, I don't even think I can score 10 marks. How bad does that seems. The structured questions are worth 22 marks. And I couldn't even answer a single one of them. Pathetic huh?
Sigh.
I'm really not prepared at all. Not prepared to fail 3 test in one week.
People always say how much you put in is what you'll get in return. But why does that never seems to happen to me? I deserve to do badly for Chemistry. Cause I didn't put in any effort in studying. I didn't attempt the tutorial questions. I didn't go for the make-up lectures. I deserve it. But what about Economics and Maths. I did put in my effort. I attempted all my tutorial questions. I even did some of the tutorials before we were told to do so. But still. Sigh.
Just when I decided that it's time for me to buck up.
Sigh.
Xin li you zhong mo ming de shang tong.
Yi zhong shuo bu chu de shang tong.
Hao xi wang mei chi bu kai xin de shi hou.
Dou you ni zai wo shen bian.
I Pray For The Sun.
12:59 PM
she writes
Thursday, April 28, 2005
9:26 PM
she writes
Sunday, April 24, 2005
I hate to admit it. But I can't deny it either.Everything's coming to an end isn't it?
I feel the gap between us growing bigger and bigger.
We're no longer the us we used to be.
No promise. No commitment. Yet so sweet. So loving.
I miss the those days. Those places.
I wish I could turn back time. I
wish someone was here with me.
But I look around the room.
I'm all alone.
All I have with me is Pok Pok and Starfish.
They seems to be all I am left with.
I Close My Eyes. And I Feel You. Right Here With Me.
2:54 AM
she writes
Thursday, April 21, 2005
It don't seems to matter to you at all.The Rain Drowned My Rainbow
10:29 AM
she writes
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Yeu Yeu found me a new blogskin!Haha!
It's so nice! So cute! Perfectly describes me!
Haha!
Go check it out: http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=36386&action=Preview
I'm so touched! I mean it! Not trying to be sarcastic!
"Thanx a lot Yeu Yeu! You just made my day! *hugs*"
Friends
8:15 AM
she writes
Haven't been blogging for quite a few days. It's not as if that I've been busy with studying or training like Xiao Xian that I don't have the time to blog. I'm just lazy!
Nothing much happened these few days. School has been very busy. Loads of tests, homework and things that I have to catch up. But I'm just so not busy! Haha! You know what I mean! I've got like a Maths test tomorrow, and an Economics test on Wednesday. And next week, I'll be having another Maths test as well as a Chemistry test. The Maths test tomorrow and the Chemistry test next week will be based on stuff that they've covered in the first 3 months. And guess what! I haven't attended a single make-up lecture! And I'm still happily typing away on my computer now! I'm so gonna flunk all the tests! And my tutorials are starting to pile up too! Haha! What more can I add?
This is so dumb!
Why must I always pretend that everything's okay when they're not?
Why do I always assume that I can make myself feel better this way?
I feel depressed.
Things haven't been going on too well. Especially things at home. I'm worried. I'm scared. But there seems to be nothing I can do. Nothing. And on top of that. School has been crap for me. I've been pretending that I'm starting to blend in and stuff. But I know that's so not true. And my attitude towards my school work is getting from bad to worse. I'm not motivated to study at all. And there are all my friends. Feeling so upset or facing problems of their own. Jessica, Xiao Xian, Wan Mei and Sheryl. I wish I could reach out to them. Cheer them up. Make them feel better.
Sigh.
"Sorry girls! I know I've never been good enough as a friend. I never seems to be able to reach out for you all when you girls are facing problems. I never seems to be able to cheer you all up or make you all feel better when you girls are upset. I'm so sorry! *hugs*"
My World Just Wouldn't Stop Raining
7:34 AM
she writes
Sunday, April 17, 2005
green slip for daryl lim! haha!
2:30 AM
she writes
the busy maylene
2:26 AM
she writes
janice, tina and estee! act cute!
2:25 AM
she writes
ba zhang and xiuli
2:22 AM
she writes
hui yi and sheryl
2:20 AM
she writes
the ladybug clan! spot my phone!
2:18 AM
she writes
the act cute ying zhen!
2:14 AM
she writes
xiuli together with marcel's monster!
2:13 AM
she writes
hui yi in ij uniform
2:13 AM
she writes
we're hardworking! (me, sheryl, ubri and xiu tian's hand. see the way she holds her pen! )
2:10 AM
she writes
bruce and estee advertising for lays!
2:09 AM
she writes
we're the winner of the cny poster design competition! this is our prize! -.-"
2:09 AM
she writes
frantic ubrina and xiu tian!
2:07 AM
she writes
backview
2:06 AM
she writes
marcel the super slacker of the class
2:05 AM
she writes
it's sheryl, jasmine, xiao xin. ba zhang and me! ( we swam over to the other "island" )
2:04 AM
she writes
xiuli - sheyl the bimbotic walnut - me
2:03 AM
she writes
Ba Zhang in Deborah's shades!
2:02 AM
she writes
05a42 at Sentosa! ( i was in the toilet! )
2:01 AM
she writes
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05a42's class bbq!
2:00 AM
she writes
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Pok Pok gotta hole in the head!By the way, Pok Pok's the new name of Xiao Ji Ji given by Grant! Haha! And he was the culprit for Pok Pok's hole in the head!
I stitched up Pok Pok's 'wound' with orange thread. Cause I didn't have any beige thread at home. So now, Pok Pok looks as if it got a pimple! All thanx to Granty!
I just recieved loads of 05a42's photos from Xiuli. "Thanx Xiuli! *hugs*" Haha! I never realised we took so many photos! Shall post some of them up over the weekend.
Sigh.
I miss 05a42!
I Wish For Everything To Go Back To How They Were.
12:59 PM
she writes
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Today's a special day!It's our 3rd month!
Time really do fly. Don't it?
Supposed to meet Tepang for lunch at 3 at Jurong Point. He was late. As usual. But this time for half an hour! I stood outside Giodarno until my legs went all numb and rooted! And I felt as though I'm advertising for Giodarno! Haha! Was a little pissed off at first. But since he was late because went all the way to Taka after school to get me Royce chocolates, I decided to forgive him. Haha! Materialistic girl! Nah! Just felt really touched! So sweet of him right!
We ate lunch at Jurong Point and after that we walked around. We met this bunch of irritating volleyball girls from his school who kept on staring at us as though we were aliens! So freaking irriatating! It's not that I'm being thick-skinned or something! But it's so super obvious! At first when we were walking a distance behind them, they kept on turning back to stare. Then when we were on the first floor, I saw them walking past in front of us on the second floor, looking in our direction. And when I looked up again, I saw them walking back! Looking in our direction again! When we continue walking further up, I even saw this girl walking backwards and looking in our direction! Gosh! What's their problem exactly?!
I gotta relax! Shouldn't let a bunch of childish irritating girls destroy my mood.
After walking aimlessly around for quite a while, we followed our usual routine by coming home to slack! Haha! I gave Tepang the chocolates I made. But he didn't really seems to like it. =( To say that I was so proud of them. But never mind! Shall come up with a better idea the next time round.
"Happy 3rd month anniversary! Love ya loads! Thanx for your chocolates and the letter! *muackzZz* Here's a song dedicated to you.."
Lifehouse - Everything
Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in, take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
I've got quite a number of tests coming up this week as well as the next. And there's also loads and loads of assignments that I hafta complete. As well as a lot that I hafta catch up on my own. Especially for Chemistry. But I'm not at all motivated to study! I'm still having that kinda attitude like I had for the first 3 months. And I haven't attended any of the Chemistry make-up lectures. Gosh! This shouldn't be happening! I gotta change my attitude! But I just can't seems to find my source of motivation! Help!
You're Everything. Everything.
1:45 PM
she writes
Monday, April 11, 2005
I feel happy today!Jessica made a slight improvement! And so did I!
"We should talk to each other more often you know! Haha!"
You Have Been My Life. And I Never Plan To Grow Old Without You.
12:23 PM
she writes
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Tepang gave me a present yesterday!Guess what he gave me!
You'll never believe it!
He gave me a chicken!
A chicken stuffed toy! You know that kind which is made of like e smooth smooth material and is filled with styrofoam. That kind that used to come in the shape of stars and dolphin.
Haha!
And he named it Xiao Ji Ji. Not that I had a chance to choose the name.
He says with Xiao Ji Ji I'll be able to see him every night before I sleep and every morning when I wake up. ( Only those who knows the link between Tepang and chickens will udnerstand why he say something like that. ) Haha!
Let me describe Xiao Ji Ji. It's totally beige in colour! Haha! Just like a chicken which has lost all it's feathers! Haha! It has a pair of over black eyes, a yellow beck and a pair of yellow feet! The comb ( the thingie that rooster have stuck on their head ) is red, and so is its tongue!
Overall, I should say, Xiao Ji Ji is adorable! But in an ugly way! Haha! But I still love it!
"Thanx a lot for being so thoughtful and sweet dear dear! *muackZzZ* "
I Love You As You Are.
4:44 PM
she writes
Today's great! Just great!
Met Jessica in town together with Tepang at 12. Although we were late as usual. But I know sweet Jessica definitely wouldn't mind. Haha! It wasn't my fault this time round! Blame it on Tepang!
We didn't do much. We simply walked around town aimlessly. Spending most of the time looking at bikini. Cause I'm thinking of buying a new one! Haha! Saw a few nice ones. But they were from a range of $79 to $129. Guess it'll take me quite some time for me to save. Talking about bikini. Something embarassing happened when I was in Falsh & Splash over at Pacific Plaza! While I was like browsing through the display of bikini, I removed one of it from the rack to take a closer look, and the entire rack of it fell onto the floor! It was like super embarassing! I always have a thing with bikini and bra! I don't know why! Haha!
Tepang left at 3 plus. So it was only Jessica and me. We walked around Heeren and then went to catch the movie "Pacifier" at 5:10. The show is nice! Worth watching! Funny and touching at the same time! And Peter is so super cute! Haha! So is the Peter Panda Dance! Haha!
After the show we went over to Far East in search of my three-quarter pants. But there was nothing that suits me. We left for Taka and ate dinner at Yoshinoya. We sat outside Taka after dinner and talked. We talked about loads of stuff. Talked and talked and talked until we lost track of time. Haha! But like always, it feels so great talking to Jessica! "Thanx a lot dear! You never fails to make my day! *muackZzZ* "
When I Need You. You're Almost Here. And I Know That's Not Enough.
2:59 PM
she writes
Saturday, April 09, 2005
I feel terrible.Something's wrong with me.
What?
I'm losing myself.
I need you.
But you never seems to be around.
Why do I feel you further and further away from me?
I'm All Alone.
2:39 PM
she writes
Friday, April 08, 2005
I went back to Sa just now! So exciting! Everything seems so familiar! I feel at home!Met the peeps of 05A42! Ubrina, Hong Ian, Estee, Kelvin, "Bruce", Ying Zhen, Apple, Maylene Josephine and of cause my dearest bimbo, Sheryl! They're all wearing the Sa uniform! So jealous! But they all look really nice in it!
"Hey guys! It feels really really good to see you guys again! And you all look so good in the Sa uniform! I'm so jealous! Haha! Study hard for the common test and promos okay! Stop slacking! Train hard and good luck for ya matches for those who're in sports! I'm gonna miss u guys so so so so much! Organise more class outings and stuff so I get more chance to meet up with you all! Take care kay! *hugs*"
Joined the team for netball training today as well! Been so long since I went for training. It's feels really good to play with people who you feel close to and consider as a team!
"Hey! Sorry for going down and disrupting training today! It feels so good to have a chance to see and play with you guys again! Train hard kay! All the best for Nationals! I'm gonna miss the team so much! *hugs*"
It's really sad..
To have to say goodbye to the people that you feel so close and bonded to.
To have to leave the place where you feel at home, which seems so familiar, which you really wanna stay and go to some place that you really wanna leave.
So obviously, for those who knows me well, I cried when I was leaving Sa. I tried so hard to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks all the while when I was there, but when they hugged me, I really couldn't take it anymore. I bet I would have cried really hard if I got a chance to hug Sheryl, Ubrina and Estee. I gonna miss them so much. Sigh.
Didn't see Tepang for the entire day today. I couldn't even remember when was the last time that I didn't see him for more than 24 hours. "I miss you!"
Have been feeling all cold and tired today. Hopefully I'm falling sick! Hopefully I'll come down with a high fever so I don't hafta go to school tomorrow! Don't feel like going to school. Don't feel like going for pe. My ankle hurts!
Sometimes I Wonder If You Feel The Same Way Too.
1:29 PM
she writes
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
I was so close to losing you.I Never Knew I Fell So Deep.
1:19 PM
she writes
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
I feel so crapped up.I never knew.
I thought you always understand. I really thought so.
But I guess I'm wrong.
It's my fault.
It's my fault for asking for too much.
I'm sorry.
I Always Thought I Was Your Princess. Only To Wake Up Feeling Like A Complete Fool.
12:37 PM
she writes
Monday, April 04, 2005
I don't understand.Why must everything happen now?
I wish I knew what to do.
I really wish I do.
I'm Losing Faith.
11:30 AM
she writes
Sunday, April 03, 2005
The doctor says mummy has very low white blood cells count. Which isn't a good sign. It'll be critical if her white blood cells count continues to fall. And she'll have to be admitted into the hospital.I'm feeling beyond worried. I'm scared. Really really scared.
The doctor sent her blood samples for kidney test, liver test and another blood test. I really really hope everything's fine. Really.
"Did you become a different you. Or is it me who has changed. I really don't know. In the past, you could sometimes understand without me telling you. It's not because you had super powers. It's because you put in the effort to do so. You were always there for me, to care for me and to cheer me on. But things seems different now, even when you know that things are happening. You no longer seems to care. Neither are you bothered to understand. Am I being sensitive? Am I asking too much out of this relationship? Or should I continue to comfort myself by telling myself that when people don't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean that they don't love you. It just means that they love you in their own special ways?
I'm scared. I really need you here with me. I really need you to walk this road with me. I really cannot do it alone.
Will you?"
Can't You See. You Mean Everything To Me.
3:54 PM
she writes
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Mummy has been having fever for 4 days.I'm worried.
She has seen the doctor twice and recieved injections twice. But she still hasn't got any better.
I'm really worried.
The docotor sent her blood for testing to check if she has contracted dengue fever. But the result will only be out tomorrow. Hopefully everything's fine and she'll recover soon.
Sigh.
I'm stress.
You Were The Song In My Soul. But Now That Song Will Never Play. Silence Falls Over Me.
2:05 PM
she writes
I thought. Maybe if I try, I'll be able to fit into the class. I'll be able to adapt to the life there.
But I guess I'm just too naive.
But at the end of the day, I still feel so extra. I feel like I'm making a complete fool of myself.
I'm trying too hard ain't I?
And it's so not me.
I give up!
I Wish You Were Here With Me
1:35 PM
she writes
Friday, April 01, 2005
I don't know why I'm feeling so upset.I don't know why I'm crying away.
I hate this kinda feeling.
I hate it!
I tell myself I gotta be strong.
That I gotta stop troubling others.
But why am I still so weak within?
I hate myself !
Broken
1:01 PM
she writes
I wish I can do so much so much more for you.
But I guess I'm just too useless.
I'm sorry.
I Will Breathe For You Each Day. Comfort You Through All Your Pain. Gently Kiss Your Fears Away.
12:32 PM
she writes
