t h e d a y m y w o r l d t u r n e d g r e y

Friday, March 31, 2006

i guess there's quite a big possibility that i wouldn't get selected into the team. sigh. i know i've no one else to blame but myself. i'm not as talented as the rest in the sport. and yet i'm not as motivated as the rest to train. so i guess i asked for it. but still. i can't help feeling upset about it.

how does it feel to lose so much things in such a short time?
it feels exactly the way i'm feeling now.

got a little treat from douglas yesterday. :)

muffins! of 3 different flavours! :) and...

chicky and ducky cookies! so cute! :)

i didn't get all these goodies because he knew i was upset or because yesterday was a special occasion. i just got all these for no special reasons. so so sweet of him! :)
"thanks a million my boy! muacks!"

there was a total eclipse last night. so cool. too bad not all the countries get to withness the rare phenomenon. the next total eclipse is predicted to occur in 2008. hopefully we'll get to withness it then.

You Make Me Fall In Love With You Over And Over Again.

6:55 AM

she writes

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

i failed my chemistry.
i failed my chemistry.
i failed my chemistry.

it took me a freaking long time to absorb this. of all subjects. chemistry. it's supposed to be my best subject. and yet i can't even reach the bare minimum of 45 marks. what the fuck! and to add on to things. i barely scrapped through my maths. i only got 48 marks. and maths was like the subject that i put in the most effort during this common test. and yet. only 48 marks. fuck!
i think this is one of my worst performance in all my 17 years. worst performance during one of the most crucial year of my life. how great!

sat at 'lao di fang' to stone. there wasn't anywhere that i can go. and i didn't dare to come home either. i seriously don't know how to face my mum. how am i gonna break the news to her? am i supposed to say "hey mummy! i got an E for maths and an O for chemistry!"?! i know she's gonna be so so disappointed. she pinned so much hope on me. i'm such a disappointment.

i bet i'm so gonna fail gp and econs as well. oh man! whatever! just bring it on! what else can i still not take?!

"my little darlings.
where are the two of you?
i feel so alone without you two.
or should i just say;
i'm all alone without the two of you.
you two were the only one who truely belong to me.
and now that the both of you are gone.
i have nothing left.
nothing."

Feeling Your Heartbeat With Mine.

10:07 AM

she writes

Monday, March 27, 2006

although it has already been 1 week into the new school term. but cause i've been having common test for the past week. so it don't really feel as if the new term have started. then i guess it's still not too late to make some new term resolution right? haha.

school and studies:
- minimise pon-ning school, tutorials and lectures.
- finish all my assignments on the day that they're assigned.
- try to read up the lecture notes before attending lectures.
- prepare well for all the tests.
- pay attention in all lectures and tutorials, especially gp.
- revise my work regularly.
- do well for mid-year exam.

trainings:
- attend all training sessions.
- learn, remember and apply as many new 'skills' taught to me.
- be more decisive and quick in my movement.
- put in my 100% in all trainings and matches.

personal:
- save more money.
- keep my room spick n span at all times.
- clear all my debts and overdue bills as soon as possible.
- keep my monthly bill below 50 bucks.
- meet up with friends often, especially my girlfriends.
- slim down.
- spend quality and quantity time with douglas.

i guess that's about all. hopefully i'll really be able to fulfill all of them.
"jia you girl! i'm sure you can do it! :)"

these few days have been really great for me! love love.

finally finished my last 3 papers on thursday. they were managable. but whether i'll do well or not. i really don't have much confidence. guess all i can do is just to wait and see. but i bet the results will definitely be a disappointment. guess what's done is done. no point brooding over it now or crying over spilt milk.

rushed home to change after my last paper then went over to plaza singapura to meet douglas. i bathed, dressed and 'da ban' in record time that day! i think i only took about 15 to 20 minutes instead of the usual 45 mins to an hour. how amazing! haha. met douglas at around 4:30. we had our early dinner and late lunch at burger king. forgot what's the word used for having lunch and dinner together. anyway. we watched 'failture to launch'. quite a nice show. good storyline. and kinda funny too. douglas rushed to his tuition after the movie. he only managed to have 1 hour of tuition instead of the usual 2 hours just because of the show. felt so guilty. it's like the 2nd time i caused him to be late for his tuition. "so sorry!" walked around hougang mall while he was having tuition. he sent me to hougang station after his tuition and we both headed back for home. although we didn't really get to spend a lot of time together. but i guess we should be glad that at least we gotta spend some time together.

woke up at 4:30 in the morning to go ready for work. everything was alright at work that day. didn't screw up or anything. was just really really shag. guess it's because i haven't been working for such a long time already. was really glad that joshua signed me off at 3pm that day. but at the same time. quite disappointed cause my pay didn't even touch 100 bucks that day. :(

met douglas after work. finally managed to catch 'underworld revolution'. douglas was the one who got the tickets as a reault of a dare. can't believe that they actually allowed him to purchase a pair of m18 movie tickets with his childish face while he was wearing t-shirt and berms. opps! haha! the show was nice. a little confusing at first. but you'll understand the story as the show proceeds. we walked around town for a while then went over to the rooftop at esplanade. quite a nice place. good view of the area around. and also an excellent spot for star gazing. but it'll be much better if the place was quieter and less crowded.

saw my little darlings that night.
wonder if they saw us too.
"i miss you two so much.
wonder if the two of you feels the same."

skipped training on saturday morning. felt really guilty about it. but i had my reasons. although i supposed the reason won't really be supported if i were to say it out. but i thought it was necessary. and i don't think i regret my decision. :)

went over to jurong point in the evening together with douglas to meet my sister. walked around with them for a while then went over to swensens for dinner. ate so much during dinner that i almost burst! haha! we walked around for a while more then went over to my sister's place to slack. stayed there until around 12:15 then we headed back. we walked back all the way from my sister's place just to save cab fare. for those people who know jurong area. it's from jurong west st 51 all the way back to toh guan. i should say it's definitely not a very short distance! haha! it's kinda dumb. but really fun at the same time. it's like so quiet and windy. it's as though there were only the 2 of us on the surface of this earth. lost a scissor-paper-stone game on the way back. and as a result. i had to buy a little something from 7-11. haha!

when i reached home it was already around 1:30. was so super tired. but really happy that we gotta spend most part of the saturday together.

as for today. went swimming at jurong east together with jessica, douglas and kenny. kenny came over late just to suprise jessica. so full of ideas! haha. it has really been ages since i saw jessica. think the last time i saw her was during christmas. that's really really long! can't believe i haven't seen her for 3 months plus! christmas just feels like yesterday! time really flies huh? manage to caught up a little with her. "cheer up my dear girl! it's so not like you to be 'black face'. don't hesitate to call or sms me if there's anything alright? i'll be here for you like you're always there for me. hugs hugs."

went to jurong point for lunch. kenny didn't join us cause he had something on. tepang was working when we reach there. so just went in to look at some clothes and talk to him for a while. his eyebrows look different. haha! wonder if he did something to it. or is it because it has really been a long time since i last saw him. "oh yah! i think you still look better in black hair. maybe it's because it's so much more like the tepang you used to be. :)" walked around for a while before heading back home. hopefully jessica and me will be able to meet up soon. not like another 3 months later again.

slacked at home for a while then went over to imm with douglas. we walked around. snacked. then headed back for home around 7 plus.

sunday is family day. and i had a great family day. :) love love.
"i hope you did too. :)"
"and you two as well. :)"

Priceless.

3:34 PM

she writes

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

chemistry paper today was kinda sucky. :( i left 20 over marks of section a undone. although i could do most of the questions in section b. but i seriously doubt i'm gonna pass this paper. sigh. i so knew something like that was gonna happen. oh gosh. i'm so damn hopeless. :( fortunately everything's gonna end soon. last 3 papers tomorrow and i'll be free! free as in i'll be able to take a break for a while. haha. so can't wait for everything to be over.

i'm going back to work at shang on friday. will be starting work at 6am. which means that i gotta get up at 4 plus! oh gosh. it's a good thing that i get to cab there. if not i probably gotta wake up at like what. 3 plus?! kinda nervous about going back to work. afterall it's been more than 3 months since i've stopped work. i'm so sure i'm gonna be like super blur. just hope i wouldn't screw up. but i'm so sure i would. :(

my head is totally killing me! it feels as though a construction is going on inside my head. the pain is just so unbearable. somebody just shoot me please!

"my little darlings.
how are you two doing?
i miss you two a lot.
when will i get to see the two of you again?
i feel so alone without you two."

So Far Away.

10:17 PM

she writes

no papers for me today! which means no school! yea! why am i getting all excited?! it's not as if i can spend my day out or just slacking and doing nothing. i still hafta mug for my chemistry paper tomorrow. :(

i'm home alone! not that it's anything that i should be suprised about. cause i'm home alone most of the time. but the reason why i'm home alone today is because mummy and daddy went johor together. the feeling is just weird. cause they seldom go out together. not to mention that they never ever went abroad without me before. although it's just johor. but you still get your passport stamped okay. haha. but oh well. i guess they needa spend some time alone together as well. hopefully they'll enjoy their day out. :)

i'm so unmotivated to study recently. despite knowing how important this common test is to me. i gotta get 3 a level passes if not i face the fate of getting retained. and at the same time, i gotta get 2 a level passes and 2 ao level passes to be able to participate in nationals. but i just can't seems to get myself to study. :( it's like i started studying organic chemistry since yesterday. and until now i still haven't completed. and i still have like so many inorganic topics to go. and they all require a lot of memory work. doubt i'll ever finish studying today. :(

i'm go gonna flunk my chemistry paper tomorrow!
i'm so gonna flunk all my papers on thursday!
i'm so gonna flunk all the papers that i've completed!
i'm so gonna flunk this entire common test!

my life is so fucking screwed up.

What Do You Expect To See When You Look Back At The Days That You've Lived.

4:19 AM

she writes

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

pretty pretty pictures taken outside the esplanade and at the merlion park on 11 march 2006. :)

4:54 PM

she writes

blur. but i still love it. :)

4:52 PM

she writes

4 of us. :)

4:51 PM

she writes

sweet. :)

4:51 PM

she writes

piano

4:50 PM

she writes

cornet

4:50 PM

she writes

trumpet

4:50 PM

she writes

clarinet

4:49 PM

she writes

saxophone.

4:49 PM

she writes

piano

4:48 PM

she writes

saxophone

4:48 PM

she writes

drums

4:45 PM

she writes

guitar

4:45 PM

she writes

cello.

4:44 PM

she writes

random pictures of the 2 of us taken along they way. :)

4:29 PM

she writes

pretty pretty rings. :)

4:18 PM

she writes

electricuted. hahaha.

4:17 PM

she writes

torturous wedges.

4:16 PM

she writes

the super cute picture. taken on v'day. hahaha.

4:15 PM

she writes

sand art. :)

4:14 PM

she writes

i have no idea what he's up to. all i know is. he's so gonna kill me. hahahaha.

4:13 PM

she writes

i kinda like this picture. :)

4:12 PM

she writes

new year eve.

4:11 PM

she writes

one of the first few pictures which we took together. :)

4:10 PM

she writes

slipped and fell in the toilet yesterday. yes. clumsy me. knocked my chin against the toilet bowl and got a myself a not-so-deep-but-rather-big cut on my throat. :( and the impact of the knock was so great that i still feel my head throbbing this morning. :(

aftermath of the fall...
had my econs paper. the essay component. the questions which came out were all the i studied for. but i still failed to do this 10 marks question on price discrimation. i knew the answer. it was on 3rd degree price discrimation. but i just didn't know how to put it in words. i stared at the question for a whole 8 minutes and decided that i shouldn't be wasting time. so i skipped it and didn't have the time to go back to the question. :( must be the fall. killed my brain cells which stored the information on the 3rd degree price discrimation. haha. sounds like an excuse. but it makes me feel so much better to think of it that way. haha. maybe this is what they call self-denial. haha.

"my boy. i know you're experiencing a lot. but hang on there alright. remember we'll always be here for you. :) hugs hugs. love you."

"it's been a week.
but i still miss you all as much.
my darlings."

will a promise made at the age of 17 be just a wishful thinking or a beginning of a beautiful picture?

Piecing The Picture Perfect.

7:03 AM

she writes

Sunday, March 19, 2006

watched 'Yours, Mine and Ours' with douglas today. :) it's a super duper good show. the show's funny. the storyline's touching. and the kids are like really really cute. you guys should really go catch it. :)

"only you understand the reason behind my tears.
only i can see the sorrow behind your smile.
you're the only one who can make the smile reappear on my face.
i'm the only one who can let your laughter be heard again.
i know it's hard;
just as hard for the both of us.
but we still have one another.
always remember,
in our hearts, we'll always be as one.
just the four of us."

"i don't wanna be the brightest star in the sky.
i just wanna be the faint little one beside the two of you.
so close. so close.
i miss you two. so much so much.
my little darling angels.
i love you."

the night seems so quiet tonight.
i guess it's because he wasn't talking much tonight.

As Long As The Light Of The Lighthouse Keeps Shining. You Know My Heart Is Always With You.

3:17 PM

she writes

Friday, March 17, 2006

"we began as strangers. to friends. then buddies. and finally an item. then back to strangers again. that's exactly how i feel about the two of us. although i finally finally finally got over you. but still, i feel so disappointed about what we've become now. i thought we could still remain as buddies. but i guess things just ain't that simple as i thought.

to me you really changed. a lot. you're no longer the same person who i used to know. you're no longer the guy who ask for nothing more than to lead a simple and comfortable life. now you want a car and loads of money. you used to say i'm the one who always ask for too much. but look at what you've become now. not that it's not good to aim high. but it's so not the you i used to know. you're no longer the guy who dislike going clubbing and parties. i remember myself as the one who's always telling you how much i yearn to go clubbing and stuff. but look at you now. clubs, pubs and parties seems to have become a part of your life. you're no longer the guy who i remember as not being so easy going around girls anymore. you're so popular among girls now. please. it's not that i'm jealous of anything. but to me. although you keep telling me that you just treat them all as friends. but you seems to be misleading all of them. like all other guys. you seems to just want loads of girls to fall for you. but seriously. i should just say i'm glad i'm no longer one of them.

i don't know if i sound harsh or offended you in any way. but this is the impression that you give me now. i'm sorry if they're inaccurate. but i guess i just no longer understands you the way i did before. or maybe you just didn't give me a chance to anymore.

i guess you were right when you said that you're not worth it anymore. cause you're really not. i finally realised that there's someone else who's deserve my love so much more than you do. and he has been standing right beside me all these while. but i'm not gonna forget everything like you said i should. cause the you i used to know will always be someone special to me. but the you now is just a stranger to me.

if you don't know who i'm talking about. yes it's you. you. you. you. number twelve."

all i'm left with now is just this little bit of happiness.
so please.
let me hold on to this little bit of happiness.
don't take it away from me.
please.

"my little darlings.
it has been 4 days since you two left.
i miss the both of you like crazy.
i love you two. so much so much."

Like An Angel. You Touched My Heart.

5:29 PM

she writes

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

i find myself falling deeper and deeper for you.
i find myself getting more and more dependent on you.
and this kinda feeling always makes me afraid;
afraid of losing you.

"my precious.
how are you 2 doing today?
i really really miss the 2 of you."

A Part Of Me.

12:47 PM

she writes

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

it's good to know that i always have the 2 of you around no matter what happens.
"thanks a million my boy. thanks for standing by me through the hardest times; taking care of me, supporting me and loving me. i love you. so much."
"thanks a million my bestest les friend. thanks for always being my pillar of support and umbrella all these years. and thanks for all the effort you have went through as well. love ya loads."

i wonder how are my little darling angels doing up above.
"i lost a part of me.
when i lost the both of you.
i miss you two.
so much so much."

Living The Fondest Memories.

3:26 PM

she writes

Monday, March 13, 2006

seems that tonight's gonna be the longest night ever.

i'm scared.
i wish someone was here with me.

this is the very first time that i feel that i'm really gonna lose a part of me.
a part that is so so precious to me.

i wanna hold on to my perfect picture;
forever.
i don't wanna lose this little joy and happiness.

i'm so sorry.

dear Lord,
please look after my precious little ones.
amen.

i'm can no longer be strong.

Please Don't Wake Me Up From This Sweet Dream.

3:51 PM

she writes

Friday, March 10, 2006

done with my general paper common test. but i'm so sure i'm not gonna make it. just can't seems to focus. kept on stoning during e papers.

i kept on reminding myself that i must be strong, i must be happy;
but it's just so hard.
no matter how much i pretend to be strong, to be happy;
the pain just keeps stabbing me in my heart.

i'm going through the toughest phase of my entire life.

can't wait to wake up from this nightmare.
but at the same time;
i wish i could fall asleep forever with this sweet dream.

Losing A Perfect Picture.

12:39 PM

she writes

Thursday, March 09, 2006

why is life being so cruel to me?

they're supposed to be a blessing to me.

Nothing Really Matters Anymore.

1:38 PM

she writes

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

will it ever be possible to be at loads of places at a go?

suddenly there's so many places that i wanna go. so many things that i wanna do.
but there's just so little time that i have to visit all those places and do all those things.

i wanna go to
sentosa,
east coast park,
west coast park,
merlion park.

i wanna
go shopping,
watch sunrise and sunset,
go tanning,
go star gazing,
just quietly sit at the beach.

how i wish i had the time to visit all these places and do all these things before this weekend.

"i just wanna bring you to all the places where i love going.
and do all the things that i love to do, together with you.
before i lose you forever.

i'm so sorry.
i really don't have much choice.
but i guess i'll never have the chance to find out if i'm forgiven."

"i wish i could go through this all alone.
without having to put you through it as well.
but i'm sorry i'm just not that strong.
i need you to be with me.
to put an arm around me and tell me everything's gonna be fine.
to wipe off those tears and make me smile again.
i seriously do.
but will you?"

I Close My Eyes. Pretending That This Is All A Dream.

12:18 PM

she writes

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Happy 18th Birthday Wanmei!

i've reached the end of the road.
there's no where else ahead of me which i can go.

i'm tired.
really really tired.
just wanna fall into a deep sleep.

i'm seriously on the verge of breaking down.
who's gonna pick me up?

I'm Quietly Crying Out For Help. Hoping To Be Heard.

1:19 PM

she writes

Monday, March 06, 2006

my greatest joy in life.
my reason to smile.

1:50 PM

she writes

my favourite! grant with the pok pok hat.

1:49 PM

she writes

mushroom head

1:48 PM

she writes